


Connected

by gabiicav



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BDSM, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Comfort/Angst, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heavy BDSM, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Light BDSM, Mentioned Luke Skywalker, POV Female Character, Protective Ben Solo, Shameless Smut, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars References, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabiicav/pseuds/gabiicav
Summary: You and Kylo Ren have a friendly history training together at Luke's Jedi academy, but will it stay that way? What's really troubling him?
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Reader & Other(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	1. He's Going To Kill Me

It all started with a quick flash in your sleep, the blinding light made shapes dance in your vision as you shot up into a sitting position in your cot.

Ben.

You knew something was wrong. You and Ben had arrived at the Jedi training temple at the same time when you were just younglings. It was known well throughout the school that you two were strongly connected with the Force, always running to each other the moment one couldn't sense the other. This was also why your former master, Luke Skywalker, had placed the two of you in separate chambers, too much focus on the wellbeing of each other than actually training. However this method never proved to be efficient, you two always found your way back.

You slipped on a sweater and quietly shuffled out of your room, being careful not to wake the other students. As soon as you stepped outside the blinding flash returned, the light blinding you as your bare feet quietly slapped against the rocky earth, the rain masking the sound of your footsteps. Every step closer you took to his chamber, the light got brighter. You had almost stopped to gather your bearings until you heard the soft cry of the young boy as you approached the entrance. As you stepped in you heard ringing in your ears, they popped as you felt a tight compression in your chest. You struggled to make your way to his cot, each footstep getting heavier and heavier as if you were fighting raging winds. You finally collapse onto his bed, and you start to shake him awake. The ringing got louder and louder, almost unbearable until you lightly shouted his name. Then suddenly the ringing in your ears, the tightness in your chest, and the blinding light subsided. He had woken up.

You saw his arms shaking. One was extended to his bedside table. Your gaze followed his arm until you stopped at his hands. His fingers were clutching his saber, a single pad pressed against the switch. You weren't afraid, you put your hand gently on his forearm and looked into his eyes.

It's okay, you communicated without uttering a single word.

You felt his hand drop the saber and he nodded, using his elbows to quickly prop himself up. You saw the fear in his eyes, this was very unlike him. You offered a soft smile and extended your arms out, waiting for his warm embrace. He looked at you cautiously and slowly leaned himself into your arms. You felt his sweat through your clothes, he rested his face into the crook of your neck and you felt the wet hot tears start to drench your shoulder. You felt puzzled as to why he hadn't said a word, but you decided now wasn't a good time to ask so you just let him cry. A few minutes later the crying let up, and he moved away from you. His red swollen eyes were still stricken with fear, he sniffed a little and dropped his head, shaking his head and wiping his eyes with the collar of his shirt. You figured now was the best time to ask, since the sun was about to rise and you both knew how much master Skywalker appreciated punctuality.

You let out a sigh and grabbed two of his fingers, rubbing your thumb against the top of his hand. "What happened," you said in a soft tone, looking at his gorgeous black hair since he refused to meet your gaze. A few seconds of complete silence pass, you could hear the rain start to pick up as you waited for an answer.

"It was a dream," He mumbled as he finished wiping the snot away from his nose. "An awful dream, about master Luke." Ben finally looked up to meet your eyes, he looked almost ashamed to even be bringing it up.

"Ben, tell me more than just that," you pleaded as you squeezed his hand, urging him to continue.

He nodded and let out a sigh, caving in to your insistence. "It was so real.. I was here, in my bed but I was restrained. Master Luke came in, and I begged him to help," you could start to hear his voice crack as he held back tears. "A-and he just stared at me, he looked scared. He looked at me like I was a threat, like I was a.. a monster."

He quickly dropped his gaze and clutched your hand tightly. You could feel his strong grip bruising your hand but you didn't care. Why was he having such awful dreams about his uncle, his master?

He continued to speak. "It was so quick I didn't know what to do, he pulled out his saber and I thought.. I thought.." He shuddered the thought and dropped your hand, instead, clinging to the sheets and digging his nails into the bed.

"You thought what Ben?" You questioned as you inched closer to him. His fear radiated into you, it filled you with a sense of dread and all the sudden you saw the nightmare yourself. Skywalker stood there, his saber which he swore to use to protect the weak and innocent, inches away from Ben's frightened face. You tried to intervene but you couldn't seem to get anybody to hear you. You screamed out Ben's name but he just laid there, frightened and alone.

Suddenly a loud sob pulled you from the dream, you were pulled back into reality when Ben lunged to you, clinging to you like a frightened child. He drew in a sharp breath and whispered quietly, as if someone was listening to him.

"He's going to kill me."

You held him like that for a while. Hours maybe, you couldn't tell. Finally he pulled away and looked into your eyes.

"Ben, I promise you, it was just a dream. Why would your uncle kill you? You have no shred of hate in your heart and you're the most powerful padawan I know," you offered a smile and a gentle rub on the shoulder. He just sighed and nodded, taking you in his arms, gently caressing you as if you were glass. The silence was interrupted by an unknown animal shrieking somewhere outside.

Uh oh.. that meant it was almost sunrise.

You tried to escape his strong grasp but he kept you there, acting as if he didn't hear the demonic cry of the animal.

"Ben, I really have to - " you started to say before he leaned back and planted his soft lips on your forehead, still holding on to your arm. You sat there shocked, up until this point, it had all been aimless flirting. A Jedi couldn't be mixed up in silly emotions like love after all. He pulled away and looked into your eyes.

"I'm sorry.." he mumbled your name and let go of your arm, looking into his hands ashamed.

All of this emotion all at once, your ears went back to ringing and your vision became cloudy. You brought your fingers to your forehead and felt the place he kissed, still warmed by his lips. You couldn't believe it. Your friend of over five years had just kind of sorta made a move on you? Did that just really happen? What was the point? What if master Luke finds out? All of these thoughts were clearly read by Ben, he simply nodded his head as if he understood your concern. Your eyes danced around his face, first to his soft brown eyes, then to his soft lips, and to the few small freckles that were randomly placed on his face. You saw him smile a little as you read his face. You stared into his eyes and took in a deep breath.

Oh, fuck it.

You quickly leaned forward and planted a firm kiss on his lips. Immediately he placed his hands on your lower back and urged you forward, you let his hands guide you which quickly led to you in his lap. The kiss was sloppy and unplanned, neither of you knew what to do. Your hands cupped his face as he held you close to his body. You could feel his rampant breathing as you tangled your fingers into his hair. Slowly, the kisses became more deliberate instead of rushed. Each planted with intention. He slowly loosened his grip on you, and you let go of his hair. He started to pull away and planted small kisses all over your face and your jaw. It was very intimate. Not in an entirely sexual way, in more of an exploratory way. He wanted to feel every part of you with his lips, and you to him. The innocent moment was ruined by another shriek of the animal, this time he understood it was time to stop. You both looked at each other, breathless. He let out a smile and a small laugh, then stood up and offered you his hand. You took it and stood up with him. He embraced you with one last tight hug then walked you to the entrance. You both looked at each other for a few seconds, then you pulled up your hood and stepped out into the rain. You could sense he was watching you as you walked back to your chambers, your light steps felt heavier as you felt yourself blush. 

Once you entered your room, you stripped back down to your under garments and crawled back into bed. Ben was still on your mind, and you could sense you were on his too. However, you still felt that fear from him just like earlier that evening. You closed your eyes, and focused your energy on Ben, picturing his face, his body, the way his hands held you so tight just minutes earlier. You wanted more than anything to just run back to him, sleep next to him, and feel secure and protected.

Another time.. He communicated with you.

You smiled from ear to ear as you felt yourself drift off into sleep, well, whatever sleep you had left. You focused all your energy into communicating with him, this Force communicating stuff came easier to him than it did to you. You knitted your eyebrows and focused on him once more. You felt his warmth against your forehead again and you let out a sigh of relief, he really was with you.

Another time Solo, I'm holding you to it.


	2. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> training doesn't go quite as planned

Everything was different after that night. Weeks passed and you always seemed to find yourself in Ben's cot after curfew, sneaking silent kisses and whispering sweet nothings to each other. Master Skywalker, however, also noticed this strange shift in the Force. He kept a closer eye on Ben than usual, making sure to pair himself up with Ben whenever it was time for lightsaber training. Skywalker was merciless towards Ben, bringing him down to his knees during almost every training session. He would make an example out of the poor boy, and you were the only one who seemed to notice.

Practice was running late for Ben one night, you could hear the bugs chirping as you saw the sun go down. Everyone else had retired to bed but you stayed behind and watched the two powerful Force users battle it out. Only a select few had actually been able to build their lightsabers. You and Ben were among the few. You were presented with a green kyber crystal, which were rare among padawans. Ben however, was presented with the ultra rare purple crystal. One of the most heroic Jedi Knights wielded this crystal, but Master Skywalker didn't seem to be impressed with the presented color.

Uncertainty.. You remember him saying with a click of his tongue and a quick snap of his coat. He disappeared from sight and you saw a look of shame on Ben's face as he put together his lightsaber. You smiled fondly at the memory of you helping him assemble the sword.

"No you nerf herder!" You laughed and took the hilt away from him, "you can't leave an exposed wire on the outside!" You remember him blushing as he took it away from you and fixed it.

You were quickly lifted from those fond memories as you heard a cry of anger. You snapped your head back to the action and saw Ben making drastic charges towards your master. Skywalker was backing up, barely able to keep up with Ben's wild swings and quick maneuvering. They started to reach the end of the cliff, water lashing up the sides of it threatening anyone who got too close. You knew this would mean certain death if anyone fell. You got up quickly and shouted, "Ben!" He couldn't hear you. He was too fixated on Master Luke, the purple glare of the saber lit up his fiery eyes like the pits of hell. He kept thrashing his saber, nicking the end of Master Luke's coat. Ben let out a cry of anger and desperation.

"You never believed in me! You will never think I'm ready!" He screamed over the loud screech of his saber.

Skywalker was exhausted and his advances became slower and sloppier. Ben landed a kick to the aging mans chest, and he fell back against a rock. Ben's chest heaved as he raised his saber, and howled in anger and went to land a damning blow to his master's chest. Skywalker quickly rolled away and watched the boy's sword flicker a deep red at the base of the emitting light. It sparked wildly and he slammed it into the rock, it split in half and went tumbling down into the abyss below. He stared at the now all purple saber again in shock, he looked back at his master and immediately dropped the saber into the grass. He tried to make his way to his appalled master. Both you and Master Luke had thought he was about to make another advance towards him. You cried out again, this time running to Ben.

"Ben no!" You touched his arm and immediately fell ill, your knees wobbling as a thick black ooze wrapped itself around your brain. Ben sensed your anguish and turned around to catch you, but as soon as he had his back faced towards Skywalker, he held out his shaking hand and forced Ben up against a rock. Once he left your grasp, you felt normal again. You watched in horror as Ben struggled against his master's Force grip, his fingers writhing as he gave you a pleading glance. All of this was too much for you, you couldn't stop thinking of the deep, horrifying red that briefly emitted from your lover's saber, or the look of unbridled anger in his eyes, or the fact he completely ignored your pleas. Your vision became hazy and you fainted in the grass. The last thing you remember was Ben screaming your name before you fell out on consciousness.

You woke up in your cot with a few food items and some glasses of blue milk placed on your bedside table. You didn't care about all that though. He was the only thing that was on your mind.

Ben. You thought, barely being able to lift your bed to search the room. 

He was standing in the corner, your blurred vision could have mistaken the tall boy for a door. He was dressed in all black, and even wore that sweater you loved that he saved for special occasions. You smiled weakly as he walked over to your cot and kneeled down, placing his forehead against yours and placing a small kiss on your nose.

"Ben.." you squeaked out and reached out for him

He shook his head and guided your hand to his cheek. He sighed and kisses your palm. "I know how bad it looks.." he started to say, "But don't worry, he's not sending me home."

A wave of relief washed over you as you let out a loud sigh, finally being able to relax your bones. But you knew there was more.

"But.. He is putting me on suspension. No training for three weeks. No combat, no lightsaber," he said shamefully.

You looked down at his waistline and spotted the thick outline of something underneath his sweater. You looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

Is now really the time Solo?

"What?" he answered cluelessly, then followed your gaze down to his waistline. He immediately bursted out in laughter, his booming delight echoed off the walls in your room. It took a few minutes before we wiped the tears from his eyes and gathered his breath. "You mean this?"

He lifted up his sweater, exposing his stomach and pulled out the hilt of his saber from the waistline of his pants. You blushed and tried to hide your face, that was not what you were expecting. You tried to hide your embarrassment by reasoning with him.

"Well.. But.. Didn't you say he confiscated your lightsaber? How do you even have it?" You question, flustered.

He gave you a small smirk. "Little trick I learned during meditation one day. I can pull things out of someone else's mind and it will transfer to me, like, physically!" He had a proud grin on his face and put the lightsaber back in hiding.

You stared at him in disbelief. How could you both had arrived to training at the same time yet he was years ahead of you? You shook your head and laughed a little. "You amaze me."

"I know," he whispered as he came in for a kiss on the lips.

You mumbled against his lips, smirking at his smart ass reply. "Yeah I'm sure you do."

He smiled and placed little kisses all over your face, jaw, and neck. "I know, I know, I know.." He repeated through every kiss. You went to push him away but an invisible hand caught your arm in mid air and forced it down back onto the bed. Ben clicked his tongue and sighed, playfully disappointed. "Young padawan, you're not well, your master's orders were to stay in bed." He slowly crawled his way into your cot, straddling your waist.

You flushed a little at the thought of the Luke Skywalker finding you incompetent to even get up and walk. "S-Skywalker said to stay in bed?" You questioned as you felt your fingers begin to tremble. Ben smirked a little and shook his head, "No love, I did." He leaned over and planted small kisses on your neck, moving down towards your chest. You started at him in confusion.

"But.. You said master.." You tried to put pieces of the puzzle together. You heard him chuckle.

"Exactly.. Now be a good pet and stay still," he murmured as another invisible hand forced your free hand, which was holding his shoulder, back down onto the bed. Your cheeks were flushed as he sat up and pulled your loose fitting bed shirt over your head, exposing your chest and stomach to him. He stopped a moment to take you all in. He looked mesmerized as he took in every dip, curve, freckle, and scar given to you by the ruthless training. You felt your cheeks turn red hot.

"Ben-"

"You're so beautiful," he mumbled as he traced his fingers from your torso, to your chest, then to your collarbones. He gulped nervously, this was his first time too. He leaned down and started to kiss your bare breasts with his soft warm lips. You felt your nipples harden as he traced his tongue around them. He gently nipped at one of them and teased the other with his hand. You let out a soft moan and arched your back, aching for him to take more into his mouth. He suckled and nipped at your tender buds for a while, then sat up and massaged your hickey infested breasts, trying to alleviate some of the soreness. He looked at you and smiled, proud of his work. You felt an aching in between your legs, begging to be touched. You decided to play along with his game. You whined and squirmed around, pressing your legs together but not making a sound. He smirked, "What does my pretty pet want, hm?" He questioned as he opened your mouth slightly with his thumb. You immediately start to suck on it, moaning and whining. He stared at your mouth and bit his lip, "Oh, you mean this?" A warm buzzing feeling washed over your body and settled on your clit, he kept his hands on your waist as you squirmed. Was he really using the Force to pleasure you? You guess he was.

"Ben," you squeaked as you closed your eyes and struggled against the non existent hands holding your arms above your head. You had never known such pleasure. It was almost too much. This strong, tall, handsome boy was towering over you, gliding his fingers over your body. You tried to resist the intense feeling that was growing in your stomach, you had only dreamt of this feeling before. He sensed your conflict and the force that was stimulating your clit had stopped. Your eyes shot open and you whimpered, begging for more.

"Not yet my sweet pet, I have to get something from this too." He began to slide down his bed trousers and his giant manhood smacked against your stomach. You couldn't help but stare, one part in awe, another in complete shock and fear of how this was going to work. He sensed your discomfort and chuckled, "It's not going to bite." You let out a soft laugh and nodded, shifting your gaze up to the ceiling. What were you even thinking, Ben Solo could never hurt you.

"Hey," he said comfortingly. "It's all going to be okay, I'm with you always," he rubbed your cheek. You nodded and met his stare, looking into those beautiful brown eyes you realized that you would do anything he needed you to do, be anything he needed you to be. You trusted him with every ounce inside of you.

"I know," you whispered, a cheeky grin on your face.

He licked his lips and his dominant demeanor returned, he placed his strong hand around your neck and stared into your eyes. "Is that how you speak to your master?" He tightened his grip a little and you shook your head quickly. "N-No, master." He chuckled and let go, leaving behind the red print of his hand like a necklace.

"Good pet," he said softly and kissed your lips. He untied the laces on your pants and tugged them down to your ankles, then went your panties as well. He took a few seconds, just staring at your fully naked body. Just for him, only for him. He started to stroke himself, he took a finger and caught the precum dripping from his cock. He placed the finger on your mouth, "Open," he demanded. You took his long finger into your mouth and sucked the salty precum off his finger. He pulled his hand away and pet your hair softly, "Good girl." You blushed at the comment. Suddenly you felt the warm buzzing sensation on your clit, just like before. You let out soft moans and whimpers as he used his hand to add to the stimulation, rubbing your clit in small circles.

"Are you ready to be a good pet for master?"

"Y-Yes," you said breathlessly.

He quickly lowered himself down the bed, slowly kissing every inch of your body. He straightened himself up and positioned himself in front of your tight hole. He looked at you nervously, he needed your approval before anything.

There's my Ben, you thought. Go ahead, it's okay.

Once he gained your consent, he slowly inserted himself into you. He let out a low moan which echoed in your room, he bit his lip and slowly inched himself inside of you. You whimpered as you felt his largeness creep into you, stretching you out, invading your walls. You threw your head back and you felt your hands be released. Too much to concentrate on, your hands being force held was not a top priority. You gripped the sheets and let out a loud moan, your entire body flushed with warmth and pleasure. Ben heard your moans and took this as a compliment, he quickened his pace and inserted more and more of himself into you. Your legs wrapped around him as if you were afraid of losing the moment. As his pace quickened, you felt the buzzing sensation on your clit intensify. He let out animalistic growls as he forced himself into you ruthlessly. You felt something tear and you cried out in pain, trying to reach out to him to get him to slow down. Your arm was quickly subdued by the Force, slamming it down on to the bed. Sweat began to pour down his face as he grabbed your legs, slamming into them violently. He let out low growls as he slowed his pace, his thrusts became more deliberate and demanding, more meaningful. You breathed a sigh of relief as the pain subsided and was quickly replaced with feelings of immense pleasure.

"Fuck Ben!" You cried out as your legs shook, you were reaching climax. That warm intense feeling was growing in your stomach, almost too much to hold in.

"Wait my pet, be patient for your master," he said through gritted teeth.

Breathing became harder as your thighs trembled, and your chest felt like it was about to cave in. You felt a hot pressure coming from Ben's essence, he was getting close too. He slammed his cock inside of your stretched out hole, letting out sharp, hot breaths with every thrust.

"Fuck," he mumbled as he gripped your leg tighter. "Cum for me pet," he seethed. He then began to thrust hard and fast again, he was too much to keep up with.

You felt a rush of warmth flow through your body. Sweet release. You let out a short cry as you came on his cock. He immediately fucked it back into you, using it as lube for his cock. His chest heaved heavily until finally he let out a loud growl followed by a whimper. He quickly pulled out and came all over your stomach.

He sat there for a moment, breathing heavily, trying to collect his thoughts until you whined softly, trying to get his attention. "Ben," you whined. His head snapped up and he immediately became himself again. "Oh gods I'm sorry," he mumbled your name as he searched the room for some type of cloth to wipe off his liquid from your stomach. He frantically took off his sweater, revealing a very fit, battle ready body. He used it to wipe you off then tossed it to the side. You looked at the sweater and frowned. He chuckled and shook his head, "What is it?"

"That's just, it's just my favorite sweater you have and now it's ruined.."

He smiled as he got dressed, pulling up his pants then offering you his hand. "There's always wash day." You took it. He guided you to your feet, you felt very dizzy and very sore. As you got dressed he held you in place so you wouldn't fall. He helped you get settled back down onto the bed, then he sighed and sat next to you. You could tell something else was bothering him.

"Ben, what is it?" You asked while laying your head on his bare shoulder. He pet your hair and used his other free one to tuck a piece of stray hair behind his ear.

"Everything that happened at training today.. It wasn't like me. But I felt something, as if it was calling to me, you know?"

You shook your head, you didn't know.

"Well.. I never wanted to hurt my uncle, but it was like all of this pressure building up on me. I'm constantly in someone's shadow. Be it my uncle's, my mother's, or even my father's. I felt trapped. He keeps pushing me, as if he's expecting me to break. I... I guess I did." He looked down into his lap. "It's so hard being the nephew of Luke Skywalker, trying to follow in his footsteps. I want to be a great Jedi, but.." He whispered your name and looked into your eyes, "There's so much conflict in me. I can feel it. It's like an aching heart but it's in your mind. All the time. Every decision is based on a torn mind. I-I just feel so lost."

All you could really do was listen. You had no clue what he was going through, but you knew you had to be there for him no matter what.

"I am with you Ben, till the end of the line," you said reassuringly. You placed a small kiss on his shoulder.

You could sense he knew you didn't understand.

He let out a tired sigh and stood up. You looked at him and frowned, "You're leaving?"

He tucked his lightsaber back into his waistband and nodded. "Something doesn't feel right, I want to keep this conflict as far away from you as I can. I'll visit you tomorrow, please stay in bed. I'm sure you'll need the rest." He winked and then disappeared into the night.

As he drew further and further away from your bunker, you tried your best to hone in on his mind.

I'll never leave your side, Ben Solo. You thought as you laid down onto your cot. A smile took over your face as you heard him in your head.

I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^) sorry fellas but y'all know what's coming next


	3. Massacre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhm anyways..

You had drifted off into sleep after you sensed Ben had gotten safely back to his chambers. You dreamt of that moment when you had first seen him that night, that tall handsome boy in the corner walking up to you and kneeling at your side.

You reached out to touch his long black hair, he nuzzled his cheek into your palm and kissed it gently. Something felt off though, your heart ached as he leaned in close to whisper something in your ear. You tried to push away that feeling of dread, "What is it Ben?"

He said something that made your soul turn to ice, he struggled to spit out your name then painfully whispered, "Help me."

You quickly sat up to see your sweet Ben covered in deep cuts, blood pouring from the side of his head as well as his nose. His hair looked wet and disheveled, his entire body shook. Those deep brown eyes you had come to love were now a dark black. You saw a faint green light emanating off his skin, tears rolled down his cheeks as he begged you again.

"Help me!" He cried.

You shot up from sleep and made your way to the entrance of your chambers. It looked like literal hell. Flames erupting from all of the bunkers, younglings and others alike screaming and running from their rooms. Animals scurried from the bushes and trees as their homes too were destroyed by the fire. Everyone made their way down the mountain toward the beaches, away from danger. You searched for him in the crowd, "Ben! Ben!" You screamed as you pushed against the tide of people running in the opposite direction. He wasn't there. You heard a distinct scream coming from your left, near Ben's room. You ran towards the screaming but once you approached his chambers, you realized the entrance was covered by the rubble of the other destroyed fortresses. You cried out to him again as you heard another voice from inside. Was it Skywalker's? You begged for help but nobody would listen. You were too weak to move the boulders by yourself. You focused what energy you had left and moved the rocks with your mind, slowly but surely. You continued to hear the clashing and screeching of lightsabers, all you could remember were those frightening words, he's going to kill me. You finally made a small hole in the rubble and started to rip it open with your hands which were being cut open by sharp edges. You saw the two colors clashing, Luke's green and.. Red? A Sith? In the temple? None of that mattered, you had to get to Ben, he was still in there.

"Ben!" You screamed. You were met with a howl of anger, and a deep voice.

"No!" It cried out.

Suddenly you felt a violent shove by the Force, you flew backwards into one of the large boulders you had moved. You slid down and held the back of your head. You felt something wet and sticky, blood. You tried to get up again but you couldn't. You fell to your knees and as the battle raged on, you fell out of consciousness listening to the screaming of the two men.

You came to hours later, the sun beating on your face. You sat up and looked around you. Nothing but charred remains of what used to be huts, bushes, and trees. Where was everyone? Where was Ben? You stood up and limped to his ruined chambers, you weakly pushed aside what rocks were left and stumbled into his room and searched for anything that could lead you to him. All that was left behind was his saber. Something sad sparked within the hilt. You pried it open to reveal a cracked kyber crystal. What could have caused this? You went to remove it but the crystal was burning. You dropped the saber onto the floor and held your hand. "Fuck.." You mumbled. You went to pick it up again and realized that the crystal had broken from the fall, and had crumbled into several pieces at your feet. You clipped the hilt to your belt loop and held back tears, you couldn't even sense Ben anymore.

You climbed out of the ruins, calling out to anyone. You returned to your bunker and packed your things in your bag, including your lightsaber. Something told you that you should hide Ben's too. You stuffed it underneath your clothes and searched your room for any other belongings. Ben's sweater.

He's going to need it when I see him again, you thought optimistically. You wrapped his saber in his sweater and walked back outside. There you saw some of the native inhabitants searching the compound as well, maybe for scraps. Two of them had their back to you, carrying out a conversation.

"A Jedi killer!" One said in their native tongue. "Yes yes, destroyed temple." The other agreed.

You sighed, you weren't very good at speaking their language but it was part of training that you learned the native tongue of the planet. You walked up to them and heard them speak.

"Tall man, angry man." The first said, nodding their head.

"Excuse me," you tried to interject politely. "Where is everyone?"

They turned around and jumped back in surprise. "Alive? How?" One asked. 

You bit your lip, this wasn't good. "I woke up here, where is Master Luke?"

They said nothing but pointed down towards the beach.

One of them finally broke the silence. "Counting." That was all that was said.

You thanked them and hurried down the beach, carefully avoiding any unsteady rocks that would cause you to fall.

When you arrived at the beach, it looked like a true massacre. Everyone was dead, younglings included. You covered your mouth to hide a sob as you saw the beach's water muddied with blood. Sand caked their face, and the water soaked their bodies. You saw Skywalker taking count, trying to figure out how many lives were lost. He hadn't even seen you yet. You let out a loud cry as you ran into the sea of bodies, searching for Ben.

Please gods don't let him be one of them, you repeated over and over. Master Skywalker caught your arm to keep you from getting any further. You cried and fell into your master's arms. He held your face towards your chest so you couldn't see any more of the violence. This was the first time he had held you like this, even though he was your only father figure, he was always more of the tough love kind of guy. You shook your head and let out loud screams which were muffled by the dense wool of his robes. He pet your head, "I know.." He sounded as if he was about to cry too. You finally wiped the tears away and choked out three words.

"Where is Ben?" You looked up at him desperately, oh what you would give to have him tell you that he and a group of students where on the other side of the island, just waiting for you to show up.

Skywalker sighed, almost as if he was trying to come up with a good lie.

"There were a group of students that the Sith abducted when they attacked the camp last night, Ben was one of them," he said with a straight face. "They killed who they could, and took those who they thought would be of use to them, I'm sorry. He's gone." He held on to your shoulder tightly, trying to be as emotional as he could allow himself to be.

You let your head drop, you stared at your hands in complete disbelief. "That.. It can't be true-," he cut you off. "It's true," he answered defensively. "Do you have all your things?" He nodded at your bag. You nodded and wiped snot away from your nose. You couldn't help but sense that something was off. Well, more off than it already was. He guided you away from the bodies up towards the ruined temple. You glanced behind your shoulder and saw all of the dead children, tears trickled down your face as you realized they would never become Jedi, never see their parents again, their souls would never reach peace. They would be stuck there, forever.

Why couldn't they have killed me.. Or at least taken me, why was I left here.. You wondered, it would have been so much easier if they had just killed you.

Luke Skywalker heard your thoughts and stopped dead in his tracks. He forced you to look at him and stared down at you sternly, "They thought you were already dead. You had no use to them if you were dead, that's why they didn't take you. Stop thinking so selfishly, people have died," he said strictly. He continued to walk up towards camp, you had to jog to follow him, your jelly like legs barely able to keep up.

"Master, where will I go? I have no home to return to.." You started to ramble. He caught you mid sentence again, "You are a strong padawan, it is time you begin your one on one training. The dark side has taken one too many of us," he continued solemnly. "You will stay here with me to rebuild the temple, and you will continue to train with me until you are ready to complete the Jedi Trials." You stood there shocked, trained personally by Master Luke? It seemed almost impossible to keep up with his thought process. He stared towards the sky and flicked his robe, allowing you to stand next to him. He let out a deep sigh, "After your training is complete, I will never train another Jedi ever again." It caught you by surprise, but you decided it best not to say anything. You simply nodded and took your place by your master. Uncertainty filled your heart as you longed for Ben's presence, you would never stop looking for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM UPDATING A LOT ON HERE TODAY WOOHOO


	4. Trials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> asdfglkb this was my first time writing in a violent style anyways enjoy

Around two years after the massacre...

I got this.. You thought to yourself as you stepped into the pitch black cave, one more trial, then I'll be a Jedi master.

It was the last trial given to you by your master, fear.

The darkness of the cave engulfed you as you heard rocks fall from the ceiling of the cave, dropping into the small puddles of water on the ground. You unclipped Ben's lightsaber, which you had been using ever since his disappearance, from your hilt. You placed a careful pad on the switch and ignited it, a green light lit up the cave, small bugs crawled behind rocks to hide from the light. You used the sword to guide you through the cave until you reached a drop, this is where the trial really began.

"Fucking heights.." You muttered as you switch off the saber and clip it to your belt loop. You slowly descended deeper into the cave, the wet walls not giving you much traction as you lowered yourself into darkness. One of your hands slipped from the cave wall, you gasped and threw your hand back on to the wall, your knuckles going white from how hard you were gripping it. You heard water crashing underneath you, finally.. the bottom. You sighed with relief as you looked down, a small jump away and you would be safely on the floor. You descended a few more feet then jumped to the bottom, the sound of your shoes slapping the cave floor echoed loudly. You took out your saber and switched it on, trying to gather your bearings. You knew the test wasn't just going to be heights. You searched the cave until the green light lit up something in the corner of the cave, you squinted your eyes to see. It was a man. You held your lightsaber up in a defense position and slowly advanced, "Who are you?" You said in a stern voice, ever since your training with Skywalker had begun, you were no longer scared of strange things that hid in the dark. "Answer me!" You demanded. As you inched closer, you started to see him more clearly, he was tall, black hair and even blacked eyes. His hands looked like they were covered in scars but that was the only part of skin, besides his face, that was exposed. He was covered in head to toe in black clothing. You got feet away from him when realization smacked you in the face.

"B-Ben?" You asked questioningly, looking him up and down as you lowered your saber.

He didn't speak, he just nodded, reaching out his hand for you to take.

In an instant, you forgot all about the trial. You switched off your saber and ran into his arms, letting the dark engulf you. "Oh my gods, I thought I lost you, I promise Ben I never stopped searching, even when he told me not to. I thought that Kylo Ren guy had killed you, gods I was terrified!" You rambled on and on, yet he didn't move. He didn't return your embrace. He just stood there. You let the silence reign for a few seconds before you looked up at his face, which you couldn't clearly make out. "Ben?"

The man flicked his wrist and the lightsaber that was held loosely in your hand went flying against the wall. "What the-" you were cut off by the Force wrapping itself around your neck and forcing you up into the air. The man circled you, inspecting your features. "Interesting, he really has made you his protégé.." This man was not Ben. He looked and sounded like him, but this was something else, something dark. You clawed at your neck trying to free yourself as you felt the blood rush to your face. "No point in struggling, really," he remarked as he slammed you down on to the floor, you felt a rib crack. You let out a shriek of pain, why was he doing this?

"Ben.. Please, I searched for you, I've never stopped," you choked out. He stepped on your chest, pushing your broken rib farther into your lungs. You coughed up blood as you tried to remove his boot from your chest.

"And why would I care if you searched for me?" He questioned while looking down at you, "You never meant anything to me anyways." 

You felt your heart break, you let out a sob of anguish.

He pressed harder into your chest, "You know I can kill you right now," he sneered. "And you would have been just another lost cause like the rest of those pathetic Jedi." 

He was merciless. You knew if you didn't act now, he would kill you. You breathed sharply through your teeth as you shot out your hand in the direction of your lightsaber. It flew to your hand and you switched it on, this had gotten his attention. 

"Get off, now," you demanded. He smirked and put his hands up backing off of you.

"Now look at this Jedi, ready to kill the only one she loves."

"Of course I love you! I was terrified of losing you!" You screamed as you weakly stood up, your lightsaber shaking in your fragile hands. "And I am terrified of what happened to you!" You let out a sharp breath as you took a step forward.

The man stood there, frozen. You knew he was part of the test, but you weren't sure why he had tried to stop pursuing you. You sniffled a little as the man started to slowly fade, you realized then that this test wasn't about defeating your fear, it was about conquering it and understanding it. "And I want nothing more than to see you again, but I am terrified of what you might have become if I find you." He stood there and looked at his hands as if he was unaware of what was happening. His eyes watered up as he gave you a weak smile. He said your name softly, "You really love me?" You wanted nothing more than to take his hand again, but you knew what had to be done.

"I'll always love you. I'll never stop searching, but," you could barely speak the words. "I need to go now."

You limped up to him and raised your lightsaber, ready to strike. You hesitated as you looked at him, what if this is the last time I'll ever see him again? You realized then that this was the fear you must conquer. You felt your body turn to ice, the bleeding of your wounds intensified. You needed to end this now before the cave claimed another Jedi.

You lifted up your saber and sniffed out, "See you soon Solo."

You crashed the saber down onto the man's head, while you were expecting a macabre scene of blood, he simply disappeared like mist. You switched out your saber and let out a loud cry from the pain your side, and the pain in your heart. You had done it, but at what cost. You had become a Jedi, but without him, was it even worth it?

You limped toward the edge of the save where you saw the light and the source of water. The exit was formed in front of a grassy field with giant trees and squawking birds. You saw your master at the mouth of the cave, smiling proudly. You limped toward him and fell into his arms. He caught you and let you sob into his chest.

"Hey kid," he said softly.

You looked up at him and saw a single tear run down his face, you were shocked. He had never shown any emotion towards you. He hugged you tight and sighed with relief, almost as if he was worried you wouldn't pass the final trial. "Welcome to knighthood, Jedi." He joked and picked you up, carrying you back to camp. You smiled widely, this is what you had been waiting for.

That night, you two sat around a fire as he told stories of his missions with the rebels, and how he came to know his old master, Obi-Wan. He had Force healed your wounds earlier so you were able to move freely, laughing at all of his bad jokes and poking fun at his graying hair. It went silent for a minute while Skywalker was roasting some sort of animal over the fire.

"Master.." You started.

"It's just Luke now," he smiled and shook his head. "Listen, I know I've been a hard ass on you throughout all your training, but I just wanted to instill good values. You're the closest I've gotten to a child and I wanted to do right by you." He cleared his throat, "But go ahead."

You nodded in appreciation, "Thank you Luke. I'm just confused, what now? What do I do from here?"

"Well, next we go off planet for your robe fitting. Then, you're on your own. I have business to take care of on a different planet, and that will be the last you see of me."

You looked at him confused, why would he just leave you now? "Ma-, Luke why are you leaving? Why can I not see you?"

"It is for your own safety that you know nothing more of my endeavors. Now, eat kid. I want to spend as much time as I can with you as a friend before I can't anymore." He handed you a smoked creature, and you nodded, trying not to ask too many questions.

You sighed, just after you thought you had everything figured out, your life was being plunged into uncertainty all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more updates also feedback is appreciated :)


	5. Jedi Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I like the prequels a lot

It was supposed to be a normal mission on Coruscant, a get in and get out. There were mentions of new Sith proteges as well as some Storm Troopers lurking around, trying to find some droid. You put in your mind that you were simply there to run the Sith off, nothing more. But in your heart, you knew you were going to see if Ben was one of them. You took a Starfighter and landed on a boarding dock, having no time to waste. An informant on the planet said they had spotted some Storm Troopers coming in and out or bars, searching for a droid. You scoffed, why would the First Order send out an entire army to look for a droid? It didn't matter. You flipped up your black robe's hood and strode out into the busy city. You looked down alleyway after alleyway, searching for any signs of the First Order.

"You there!" You heard the machine sounding voice yell, you quickly turned to see three Storm Troopers approaching you. You had thought it would be longer before a conflict. You drew your weapon and held it by your chest, searching the area for any escape route if need be.

"Drop your weapon," one commanded.

"Get your white armored asses out of here before you regret it," you warned. You tried to disengage from the fight, this was not why you were here.

Regardless of your warning, they advanced. One of them shot at you but the Force caught it, slinging it back into their chest armor, the Trooper fell to the ground motionless. The two that remained also drew their weapons but hesitated to fire. Acting quickly you commanded one of the guns out of the soldier's hand and flung it into the second one's head. He too fell to the ground. You flung yourself over to the final Trooper, and slammed his body to the ground. "Where is Ben Solo!" You screamed into the masked soldier. You were tired of waiting for him to show up somewhere, this time you decided they will take you straight to him. You tried to compose yourself, and in a smooth tone you spoke again. "You will bring me to Ben Solo," you commanded. You stood up, as did the Trooper.

"You will show me Ben Solo," you said again, this time more focused.

"I will show you Ben Solo, right this way ma'am." The Trooper led you through the crowded streets. You kept the hilt of your lightsaber pressed against the soldier's back in case he tried to escape. He led you down a dark alley towards the slums of the city, that's when you saw it. The brand new TIE Silencer. You stopped dead in your tracks, that was Kylo Ren's ship. You had only heard rumors, but it was said that his master, Supreme Leader Snoke, was the one who ordered the massacre on Luke's temple. You felt something of rage build up inside of you, he has answers, you thought. If it was Snoke was the one who took Ben, then surely Kylo Ren knows where he is.

You caught up to your guide but was too lost in thought to realize that almost an entire flank of Troopers had surrounded you. It was too late, only when you felt a hand on your arm and the other snatching the lightsaber from your other did you snap back into reality.

Fuck.. You thought, you didn't want this to get messy. But the Storm Trooper took you here for a reason, Ben Solo was somewhere on this ship. Two led you up the ramp into the ship and say you down on the floor, making sure to cuff your hands behind your back first. The Trooper that was accompanying you on the ship started to switch your saber on and off, as if it was a toy. It angered you greatly, "Hey fuck off! Don't touch it!" You yelled and thrashed against the restraints. You focused on the Trooper that had your saber, you slammed him up against the wall and he fell with a thud. Just before the lightsaber hit the ground the Force swiped it up and it fell perfectly into your hands. You weren't going to use it for escape however, something told you this was the only path that would lead to Ben. You heard footsteps coming so you hid the lightsaber deep in the folds of your robes. 

A shorter, pale, skinny man walked in. You chuckled a little once you noticed his ratlike features. This cannot be Kylo Ren, you thought as you stifled a smirk. He looked down at the motionless Storm Trooper than grimaced at you, huffing and waving over another Trooper. "Get him out, what an incompetent fool," he spit out. He turned his attention toward you, "You Jedi are hard to find, but luckily for us you came right to the ship!" He let out a stiff, mocking laughter. You stayed silent, ignoring his mockery. You glared at him, trying to focus on his mind.

"Take me to Be-" you tried to finish your sentence but a glaring white light invaded your vision and a ringing set in on your ears. You closed your eyes and yelped as you shook your head, trying to get the ringing to go away. Your chest felt heavy, almost making it hard to breath. There was something evil here, but the presence felt familiar. Your thought was cut short by the clanking of boots coming up the ramp. The skinny man turned fearfully towards the approaching footsteps.

"Sir, we have caught the girl. She has caused us much trouble within our ranks, what shall we do with her?"

A deep, mechanical sounding voice boomed, "She will come back to the Star Destroyer, and give us information about the droid, she has to know something." You turned to face your captor, it was unmistakable. It was Kylo Ren. He was a very large man, dressed from head to toe in black armor, cape, gloves, and a helmet so menacing you looked away. As he stepped nearer, the pain subsided, but you weren't sure why. Ren sat down into the pilot's seat and flipped some switches, then the ship roared to life.

You turned to the skinny pale man and asked, "Where's your pilot?"

You were met by a sharp response from Ren, "General Hux, do not answer her. Jedi and their mind tricks no know boundary." He turned to you, looking you up and down. "I pilot my own ships, why? Do you not think I am capable?" He questioned.

You ignored his glare and turned your head back to Hux, "So.. Hux, huh? How long have you been this much of a bootlicker?" You sneered as you watched a petrified look on the general's face appear. "Why I! So much disrespect coming from a supposed classically trained Jedi!" He scoffed and folded his arms. His response was met by a low growl, "General, what did I say about speaking to the creature? Sit. She will not have much to say after I am done with her." Hux sat down in the seat next to Kylo Ren. With that, the ship lifted into the air and jumped into light speed. The flight was short and very quiet. Not a sound was made, minus General Hux scoffing every time the ship jumped slightly. It was only a few minutes before you saw the behemoth of a ship that was the Star Destroyer. You got up on your knees to stare at the giant, your mouth gaped open as the ship docked in Kylo's personal, secluded area. The landing was bumpy and not very well planned out, not much of a flyer.. you thought to yourself. This earned you a quick turn of the head from Ren, he had heard you. The ramp lowered onto the floor of the ship and expectedly, Hux was the first one out, scoffing as he passed you, his hands folded behind his back. Kylo was the next to stand. "Up." He commanded. You tried to get up but your legs weren't always the best after flying, you struggled to get up. He flicked his cape and was then standing behind you, yanking your arm up. You heard something metal crash to the ground with a loud thud. Shit.. The lightsaber. The large man bent over and picked up the saber, inspecting the hilt.

"Where did you get this?" He asked sternly.

"It was my boyfr- my friend's." You choked out, not ready to ask him about Ben yet.

He opened his mouth as if he had another question, but just like rats do, Hux appeared out of nowhere.

"Supreme Leader requests your appearance," he sniffed out as he glanced at the lightsaber in Ren's hand. He quickly clipped it to his waistline and waved him off, "Yes, yes. I must take the prisoner to the cells." As usual, Hux was quick to speak. "But sir, that is a job of a mere Trooper, surely you'd rather one of them take care of it?" Kylo slammed his fist against the side of the ship, leaving a small dent.

"Enough General! I will have no further questions asked about my endeavors unless it pertains directly to you, is that understood?" He asked in a menacing tone. All Hux could do is gulp and nod. He quickly turned on his heal and scrambled off the ship.

On the walk through his personal quarters, he paid you no mind as you trailed along. He knew you would follow, but how? You finally reacher what seemed to be the 'Kylo Ren only' part of the ship. It's gray walls engulfed almost everything in darkness, except for a small containment room, which sported all black walls. You figured this was for you. He entered a number in on the keypad and the door flew up, he unbound your hands and shoved you in. The door was then shut, and he stood on the outside, his arms crossed.

"We will discuss how you have come to obtain this lightsaber at a later time, I have different business to attend to, Jedi."

He turned and started to walk away, if they were going to kill you, you had to die knowing what happened to Ben. You gathered your courage and shouted from the top of your lungs, "What happened to Ben Solo!"

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, his shoulders fell and his physical demeanor changer entirely. He stared at you, gazing up and down your body for a few seconds before plainly stating, "He's dead. Along with the other Jedi your master failed to save. No more ridiculous questions until I get back." He walked out of the room and the door slammed behind him. The lights flickered off and you were swallowed by the darkness.

You slid down to the floor, in shock of what you had just heard. No.. No he can't be dead. You tried to reason with yourself as you felt tears stream down your face, he just had to be alive. You finally let out a loud scream, and slammed your fist against the clear class door of your prison. "Fuck you Ren! You took him from me!" You cried out. After hours of continuous sobbing, you sat there utterly alone, no light, no guidance, no certainty. You stared out into the wall in front of you and slowly drifted into sleep, letting the darkness fully encompass you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :) hopefully newly written chapters coming soon


	6. Foolish Little Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the reunion special

You couldn't tell if it had been days, weeks, or even months since you had left that small room. All you had to accompany you was a small cot, a shower with no walls or covers, a sink that could barely service as such, and a cold toilet. The installments didn't matter to you of course, your mind was too preoccupied with Ben. You tried to convince yourself to move on, after all you recognized at the very beginning that him being dead was a very real possibility. Any food that was presented to you, you almost always refused. Your face was a shell of the strong Jedi it once was. You felt powerless, no longer connected with the Force. You didn't realize how much that stupid boy affected your day to day. You only saw Kylo Ren on occasion, he would pass you as if you didn't even exist.

What happened to discussing the lightsaber? You thought, worried as to what he had done with it. You decided today would be the day to ask. A few hours later the door swung open and you jumped to your feet, gulping down all fear you had. He waltzed into the room same as always, not giving you the time of day. You made your way up to the glass door, "What happened to Ben's saber," you demanded. He stopped in front of your cage and let out a loud audible sigh, "Why does this boy matter to you? He was weak, insubordinate, a coward." He said sternly.

This sent you into a fit of rage, you slammed your hand against the glass and screamed. "He was everything to me!" Your frail fingers shook, you noticed how bruised your knuckles and hands were. Weak.. You thought to yourself.

Kylo stood there for a moment, contemplating you as he looked your body up and down. He walked closer, entered a code on the door pad and it flung open. The arms that were once leaning against the glass had now made its way to the hard slab of grey marble underneath you.

"Fuck," you mumbled through clenched teeth as you stood up to face him, your elbows now a blood red color.

He picked you up savagely and tilted his head to the side a little and used a single finger to lift up your chin, "No manners, I guess Skywalker had little to teach you about etiquette."

You let his finger trace your jawline as he examined you, deep down in your heart you were urged to fight, to push him away, to do anything but stand there and take it. But you couldn't, not after what he had told you the first night you got there. You had really lost all hope. As he was grabbing your chin like a child, examining your bruised cheeks you let out one pathetic sob. A tear trickled down your cheek. His touch felt familiar, but you weren't sure from where. All you knew is that you had somehow taken comfort from this monster's touch.

He looked at you with no expression, well if there was, the mask was hiding it. He rubbed his gloved thumb a little to carelessly against your cheek, you let out a small yelp and he quickly pulled his hand away as if he had broken something. You continued to sob as his fingers returned to your face, "Why are you crying?" He asked in a monotone voice. You sniffed and looked up at him, as if he didn't know. "Y-You killed him, your leader killed him. And I hate you for it, every day I curse your name for what you've done to my Ben," you let out another pathetic sob. He instinctively pulled you into his chest, you tried to resist but you were too weak to fight him. You just sobbed in his arms, "I fucking hate you, why don't you just kill me," you asked, half threatening, half pleading. You wanted this nightmare to be over.

You questioned why he was being this gentle with you, why hadn't he killed you? What could he possibly gain from being nice?

"Because I knew him," he answered quietly, reading your mind. You pushed away from his arms and stared at him in disbelief.

"You knew Ben? But.. How? Why is the Force connecting us like this?"

"So many questions," he commented solemnly. "I will answer them all tonight, but for now, come with me." Without another word he turned and walked down the hallway you could only assume housed his bedroom and other facilities. You instinctively went to keep up with him, trailing behind him like a.. Like a pet. You were eager for answers.

A door flew open at the flick of his wrist and he stalked into what you believed to be his bedroom, but he didn't stop there. He led you down another hallway, this time with full white walls. He stopped at what looked to be another prison cell, but this one seemed softer. Still small, but it housed an actual bed.

"In," he commanded. You walked in slowly, exploring your surroundings as you heard the loud slam of the door. You turned back to him and knitted your eyebrows, "Why am I here? Why couldn't I just stay where I was?" He clicked his tongue and shook his head, "So many questions from you resistance scum," he murmured. He turned away but before he could escape you asked, "Where are you going?"

Great thinking.. One last question to piss him off further.

"You do realize I have other obligations other than answering your questions, right?" He quickly left the room where you were being kept, you heard his boots clanking down the hall until they disappeared.

"Damnit!" You yelled, sliding down onto the more comfortable bed. "Fucking.. Asshole..." You mumbled in between yawns. You figured you had to have your energy to be able to ask Kylo questions later that night, so you pulled the thin sheet over your frail body and once again drifted off into an undisturbed sleep.

Well, as undisturbed as it could be..

You awoke to hear the tapping of boots against the cold, unforgiving floor. You shot up and stared at the source of the noise, Kylo Ren. He was standing in the corner, waiting for you to wake up. Your bones settled, he wasn't here to hurt you, at least you think.

"No, I'm not." He responded, "I told you I would answer all your questions, so here I am. Although you do sleep for rather long periods of time." 

You got up a little too quick for his liking apparently, he flicked aside his cape and grabbed his lightsaber out of instinct, the hilt exposed to you.

"What the.." You stared a little closer at the hilt and you started to chuckle, slapping a hand over your mouth to try and contain your delight. He shifted his weight around on his feet uncomfortably, "What is so funny, girl?" He questioned as he hid the saber out of sight. You walked over to him, somehow unafraid and moved aside his cape to reveal the saber. A force shoved you back towards the bed, his fists were balled up in rage. "Do not ever touch me again, understood?" He growled, almost as if you had touched a wound. You gulped, slightly afraid and nodded. He continued his rage, "I have had people killed for much less, scum!" He roared and strode over to you, grasping your neck in his gloved hand. He lifted you off the bed slightly as you struggled against his grasp. "Just because I was kind before does not mean I possess an inkling of feeling for you, you are nothing, understood?" You could sense rage underneath the mask, it was intoxicating. You simply nodded and he dropped you back on to the bed. He made his way toward the entrance of your prison, you guessed you weren't getting any answers tonight.

You swallowed your fear and stared daggers into his back, "The wire." You said simply. He stopped walking and placed his hand on the frame of the door. "What do you speak of?" He questioned, his back still turned toward you.

"You have an exposed wire on the outside of your saber," you mumbled.

"Foolish little girl," he growled and stalked back out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

You let out a sigh and rubbed your neck where his leather fingers had grabbed it, that was sure to leave a mark. You weren't leaving, or dying without your answers though. I will try again tomorrow.. You thought. You laid there in your bed, not making a sound, just staring up at the white ceiling wondering how you would ever stay on this man's good side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehehe


	7. More Like A Pet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE KINKS ARE DEVELOPING MY FRIENDS

It had been about week since you've seen him, and a few days since you had gotten your last ration of food. Did he tell people you were dead? Was he waiting for you to die? Was anybody coming for you? The terrifying thoughts filled your head as you lay awake for another night with no sleep. You were tossing your shoe up, trying to keep yourself distracted from the hole in your stomach. You heard the door to your cell swing open, caught by surprise, you let the shoe hit your face. You moaned in pain and held your cheek as you sat up and saw Kylo Ren towering over you. His body gave away no sign of emotion, his helmet still hiding all feelings.

"Are you always this clumsy?" He asked as he knelt down by your bed and inspected your face. You winced and breathe in a sharp breath as he pressed down at your bruising cheek. He offered no apology, "Stop moving then." You just nodded and stayed silent as he stood back up, offering you his hand. You didn't take it. You stood up on your own and crossed your arms defensively, did he really think you were that fragile? "Where are we going?" You demanded as you tried to keep up with his large strides out of your cell. He didn't answer. You could no longer see clearly, the lack of food had gotten to you. You stopped walking and hunched over, trying to regain your bearings. "I think I'm going to faint," you mumbled as your head sped towards the ground. He caught your arm and hoisted you back up, looking at you. "Sometimes I neglect to remember you are a Jedi," he commented sternly. "And yes," he huffed. "You're making me believe you are indeed fragile." 

He held on to your arm tightly and guided you past his bedroom and into what you believed must be a dining room. It was a little small, but beautiful. Candles were placed almost anywhere they could be fit. The table was long, stretching from one end of the room to another. Two places were set, fitted with black glass plates and gold silverware. The red table cloth made the settings stand out. He let go of your arm and sat at the head of the table, the other setting was placed next to him. You didn't want to assume, so you waited for a command.

"Sit," he grunted.

You carefully slid into your chair next to him. The chair could easily hold two of you, since it was obviously built for someone much taller and larger. Two Storm Troopers came out of a silver sliding door and presented you with a large bowl of soup, and bread. They stood there quietly and waited for further instructions.

"Leave my quarters, now." Kylo huffed. They simply nodded and disappeared. You noticed one of them had left their gun resting up against the wall. Kylo cleared his throat, this ripped your attention from the gun. You looked up at him, and he nodded toward your soup. "Eat," he said plainly. 

"What about you?"

"If you question me again, you will not eat at all."

You couldn't afford to fight him over this one. You lifted your spoon and started to eat, the warm liquid slid down your throat and your stomach warmed up immediately. He sat there silently and watched you. After you were done with your soup, you started to tear off pieces of the bread and eat them slowly.

He sighed. "You seem very hungry," he remarked, trying to break the silence.

Your blood boiled. "Yeah, that's what happens when you starve someone for days at a time." You focused yourself back on the bread, your battered fingers tearing it apart piece by piece.

He coughed, "I'm ready to answer your questions now." 

You looked up, what a piece of shit. "Oh thank you your majesty," you huffed. 

He swallowed an angry gulp and nodded. "You're welcome," he answered mockingly.

You looked up at him and let out a half smile, so the man did have a sense of humor.

"So," you folded your hands nervously in your lap. "Where is my lightsaber? What did you do with it?" He cocked his head to the side and tapped his gloved fingers against the table. "It is somewhere safe," he assured. "But I can't have a prisoner knowing where her weapons are."

Damnit.. He got you there. You cleared your throat, trying to move on. "How did you know Ben?"

The tapping stopped. He clenched his fists and started to get up, but you weren't about to let him go.

"Ren you said you'd answer all of them!" You yelled, "Don't be a murderer and a liar!"

He fell back into his seat and sighed. "He was young, naive, he tried to cling on to the light side. He thought he could resist Snoke." His words trembled as he continued, "I knew him as a frightened boy. Nothing more, he had promise. He could have become something great." He said, staring down at his hands. You didn't want to push him, you accepted the answer for now.

"What.. What happened to him?" You asked, choking down tears as you stared down his mask.

Kylo leaned back, "We will stop for tonight." He got up but you were quicker. You caught his arm and clamped down. He looked at your hand and waved you away with a flick of his hand. You smacked into a wall and you heard the sound of heavy metal fall to the ground, the gun..

You picked it up and pointed it at your chest, "Fine! If you won't tell me what happened to him then fine! But I can't live like this anymore!" You sobbed, your whole body shook as you placed a finger on the trigger. You looked up to see Kylo Ren staring at you, he walked toward you softly but with conviction. "Don't be foolish," he said cautiously. "Put it down." You shook your head violently, he sounded so much like someone you used to know, you longed for it, but this was your only way out. As your finger pressed into the trigger, a force yanked it from your grasp, slamming it against the wall. A loud blast was made, you touched your chest to feel for a wound. You felt pain, but no blood. You touched your cheek and felt warm blood cover your fingers. The blast had just barely grazed your cheek. You let out a sob of anguish as Kylo pulled you to your feet.

"Are you really that stupid!" He screamed in your face. You clutched on to his armor, "Please," you begged. You had no more fight in you. "Just let me die, it's not worth it without him, I needed to know what happened." You continue to cry while Kylo just stared at you. He let go of you and backed off. You took your opportunity to run. You ran down the familiar hallways until the bleeding from your cheek became too much pain to bare. The closest place to land was his bed. You flung yourself on to it and cried for gods know how long, gripping the black blankets, trying to find some warmth in your new cold, unforgiving world.

He wouldn't even let me kill myself, you thought. I am just a worthless prisoner to him, there's no way he cared.

You heart footsteps echo down the hall, Kylo. You hid your face from him as he emerged in the bare minimum armor. No cape, no gloves, no cowl. But that mask..

You struggled to sit up, "I-I'm sorry.." You sniffed and held your sleeve to the wound on your face. He just shook his head, revealing a wet cloth he had brought and dug around in his bedside table, pulling out clear bandages. He sat next to you and reached for your face, you shied away from his fingers. He used his other hand to grab your wrist, "Stay." He ordered. You looked down at the strong hands that held you in place. They were long, pale, almost beautiful even. You bit your lip as he cleaned your wound, making sure to be as gentle as possible.

"Ow-"

"Stay still then," he breathed calmly as he put the sticky bandage over the gash in your cheek. he rolled his thumb over the bandage to make sure it stuck, then he placed his hand into his lap, looking at you. You sniffled and wiped your nose, "What?"

"He used to speak of you a lot, he would have been proud of who you have become, even if you did turn out to be a Jedi."

So this was his way of being nice. At least he was trying. You nodded and stared into your lap, trying not to let any more tears fall. "Thank you, Kylo."

He nodded and stood up, "You will stay here tonight." You choked a bit, "In your room?"

He looked down at you and nodded again, "Don't tell me you're deaf as well." Ouch, another jab. You simply nodded as he strode over to his wardrobe and opened it, fishing out a bed shirt and pants. He threw them on the bed beside you, "You will wear these for the time being, I'm sure those clothes are filthy at this point. Now change," he demanded, his unwavering stance indicated to you that he was not moving. "What," you scoffed. "Here? In front of you?"

"Yes, in front of me. You have proven yourself to be clumsy, irrational, and quite frankly stupid. I don't want you tripping and dying when I am not here," he stated, as if it were fact.

You shook your head again, "At least turn around."

He sighed in compromise and turned around, his broad shoulders blocking the exit to his bedroom. You gulped and slowly undressed, stripping yourself of the dirty and tattered layers. You tried to fold them neatly on the bed but it was practically useless, they still looked like they had just been shredded. A wave of embarrassment washed over you, had this been how Kylo Ren was seeing you? You shook off the feeling and slipped on his night shirt, more like a dress on you. The soft black fabric cradled your skin, promising to keep you safe. You tied the shirt up so if wasn't hanging over your thighs so much. Then, you put on his night trousers. The silk fabric slid up your legs, almost like air. You rolled up the bottom of the pants so it reached your ankles. You sighed as you looked at yourself, pathetic.

"You can look now, I didn't trip or anything." You said confidently. 

He faced you and examined your body, "Does everything feel alright?"

You nodded, "Much more comfortable than my old clothing, thank you Kylo."

He nodded along with you, still looking you up and down. "I should be back tomorrow afternoon, I want the bed made and you showered. Do not touch the bandage." With that, he turned on his heel and made his way for the door.

"Wait! I need to ask one more thing of you," you begged.

He huffed, "If the answer causes you to try and end your life again-"

"It won't," you promised. "My carrier bag was confiscated when I arrived, it had some clothes in there that.. uh.. Would fit me more properly. Would you please get it to me? So this Jedi won't have to wear his majesty's night clothes?" You offered a joke, smiling a little.

You heard a small chuckle escape the helmet, success. "I don't see a problem in retrieving your clothes." You started to thank him. "But, you must follow orders, and be a good girl. Cause no further problems, and your life on this ship will be more than adequate."

You scoffed, "Good girl? Following orders? What am I, your slave?"

He looked down at you, "No, more like a pet." He turned around and walked out of his chambers, the swift slam of the door closing behind him.

Pet.. You thought. Something about that word made you shiver, made your body fill with warmth. You crawled into his giant bed and slid under the covers, sighing as your body sunk into the mattress. Pet, you thought again. You felt in between your legs begin to tremble, wanting more and more to hear that word come out of his mouth again. You replayed the memory over and over. The temptation was too much, you reached in between your legs but guilt caught your hand. Not now, not in his bed. You groaned in frustration and nuzzled yourself into the giant pillows. You thought of him more, his tall gait, his strong pale hands, the way he treated you so gently.. You felt yourself get more needy the more you thought of him. Enough, you thought. You wanted to hate him, you really did. You wanted nothing more than to take that stupid lightsaber and ram it straight into his chest. But something about him felt familiar, felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW anyways hope yall enjoy


	8. Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aw sappy chapter for u

You woke up early, there was an eerie silence surrounding the room. No pattering footsteps of Storm Troopers, or yelling from officers. Just quiet, a type of quiet you had longed for since this whole nightmare began. You slipped out of the satin sheets, your bare feet pressing against the cold marble floor. You remembered your orders from last night.

Make the bed, take a shower. Should be pretty simple. You tucked the sheets back into place and replaced the pillows to where they belonged. You stood at the foot of the bed and huffed, it had been a long time since you've slept in an actual bed that required making. The comforter was a little wrinkled, and the sheets were hanging off more on the left side than the right, but you had tried your best.

Take a shower.

Did he mean in your shower, or his? He wouldn't be back for hours, so you didn't think it would matter. You entered his bathroom and came face to face with yourself in the mirror. You hadn't brushed your hair in days, and the wound on your face was trickling blood out of from the bandage he had put on it. Don't touch it, a voice reminded you. You sighed as you undressed, stripping yourself of the warm comfortable clothes you had grown somewhat accustomed to. You searched the cupboards for towels and once you found them, you placed them on the floor near the shower. You stared at the shower in confusion, custom temperature settings, no knob to turn, only buttons. You set the temperature to some ungodly heat and pressed the top button, which apparently switched the water on. As soon as the water reached a decent temp, you stepped in and sighed as you felt the hot water soothe your aching body. You stood there for a while, letting the hot rain pour over your body, trying to savor every moment. You grabbed a cloth and scrubbed soap onto it, starting to wash your body. You watched the dirt disappear from your arms and legs, this made you shudder. You hated being dirty. You washed in between your legs and gasped as the hot cloth touched your clit. You moaned softly as you dropped the cloth on the shower floor and started to rub your sensitive sweet spot. Leaning up against the shower wall, your knees halfway buckled as Kylo's voice repeated itself in your head.

More like a pet.. He had said. You had no sexual contact with another male since well, Ben. But it was still a sore subject, so you thought of the only other man who appealed to you. Kylo Ren. You imagined his large frame looming over you, choking you as he did before. You let out another moan of satisfaction as you felt your tight cunt drip your liquid. You hadn't felt this pleasure in a long, long time. As your pleasure intensified, it was hard to keep your moans quiet. Soon the noises of your ecstasy echoed throughout the bathroom. You felt a warm feeling creep down from your stomach to your pussy. You tried to hold it back, you wanted to keep this going for as long as you could. You imagined what his cock would feel like inside your wet cunt, how big it would be, how you would beg for him to be gentle. "Fuck, Kylo~" you moaned, edging yourself more and more. You felt the fire in your stomach pop, and you slid down to the shower floor, hot water still pouring down on your body. You whimpered and groaned as you came, still calling out Kylo's name. You sat there for a few minutes to recover, then you stood up and switched off the shower, and stepped out. 

You picked up a towel that was folded on the floor and wrung out your hair, trying to not let it drip. You then wrapped a towel around yourself, picked up the discarded clothes on the floor and walked back into the bedroom where, to your horror, you saw Kylo Ren standing there as if he was anticipating your arrival. You gulped and tried to cover yourself more.

"I'm sorry-"

"That was a rather long shower," he informed you.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I just-" you tried to finish a sentence, but you were cut off.

"I heard you," He said solemnly. "I thought I requested that you be good." 

You nodded in shame and ducked your head away from his eyes. You heard a low grumble, "On the bed, now." You shot him a concerned look, but his stare was unwavering. You shook your head, "Kylo I can't.." Oh but you could, you wanted it, you said to yourself. He huffed in protest and picked up your bag that was lying behind him. "I was going to give you this today, since I thought you could follow simple orders. But, if you wish to redeem yourself, you will get on the bed." You knew that bag held the last thing you had of Ben's, other than the lightsaber, his sweater. It seemed childish to obsess over material things, but you wanted that sweater more than anything. You felt like crying.

You choked back a sob as you laid down on the bed, still clinging for your towel to reclaim any sense of modesty. He slowly walked over to you, unhinging his belt. You let out a soft cry, you figured he didn't care, he was going to fuck you anyways. He abruptly stopped and stared at you, his head tilted curiously.

"Why are you crying, is this not what you want?" He questioned, a single gloved finger tracing up and down your thigh. You trembled under his touch, wanting intimacy, but not sex. You shook your head, "I-I want him, I want Ben," you admitted. He recoiled his finger and balled his fist, but as your crying ensued he relaxed. He sat next to you and pulled you into his chest, petting your wet hair. He helped you slip your clothes back on, carefully avoiding the gash in your cheek as he slid the night shirt on.

"There there pet," he mumbled quietly. Your cries became pathetic sobs as you remembered Ben's name for you, pet. You shook your head and beat your fists into his chest. "Why did you let him kill Ben?" You screamed through choked sobs. "Why? He was innocent! I loved him!" He let out a sad sigh, his chest trembled as he thought of ways to soothe you. "He has never left you, he will always be there.." He said, trying to speak above your sobs. "He's with you till the end of the line," he murmured as if he were hoping you didn't hear it. You shot up and stared directly into the mask, how did he know that. You said that to Ben after you two had sex for the first time, and it wasn't something you had been thinking of recently either, Ren had no way of knowing that.

"What did you just say?" You wheezed out, tears swelling in your eyes. You were over this, you needed answers. Who the fuck was Kylo Ren?

You got no response except for a blank stare, Ren's unsteady, trembling breath escaping the mask.

"Take off the mask Kylo. Who are you?" You reached for it, becoming impatient. He smacked your hands away and stood up, "Enough of this, I am needed-"

"Yeah yeah, you are needed elsewhere, take off the mask asshole."

You two stood there for a moment, locked in a stare. All you could hear was yours and his unsteady breathing.

"Please.. I need to know how you knew I said that to him, I need to know who you are.. I need something certain in my life." You pleaded with him, inching towards him. His shadow cast over you, but instead of his normal cold demeanor, you sensed warmth.

He quietly took both hands to the side of his mask, pressed two buttons, and lifted it slowly from his face. He hesitated for a moment, then pulled it completely off, letting the metal clatter to the floor.

You stood in shock. You studied his face, his long gorgeous hair, his dark eyes, the fragile way his lips were constructed so perfectly. You stared at him in confusion, and you took a step forward. He instinctively backed away, but hesitated as you brought a soft gentle hand to his face. Tears streamed down your face as he looked at you blankly, unsure of how to react. You swallowed your tears and lunged yourself at him, clinging to his body, sure that you were never letting go. He immediately wrapped his strong arms around you and held your head into his chest. He gasped out a sob as you cried his name, grasping at his body as if you were making sure he was real. He was. You had found Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was bullied into fan service by my friend so here u go


	9. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth comes out babies

You two had spent the next few hours taking each other in, feeling each others warmth as you took turns tracing the scars and other marks on the other's arms. It was a while until either of you spoke a word, quite frankly you didn't know what to say. All this time, Ben had been hiding under a mask, telling you he was dead. No wonder he wasn't so harsh to you, he remembered you. He didn't want you killed. You had heard of the horrors he had committed, killing women and children, slaughtering innocent people. It wasn't the Ben you remembered, but you guessed that you weren't the same girl he remember either. Somewhere in your heart, an aching feeling told you that you two could never be the same. The boy you once knew was no more.

You pushed away from his chest and stared up into his eyes, trying to figure out those dark eyes. "Ben.."

"Ben Solo is dead," he said stiffly, trying to hold back tears. "My name is Kylo Ren, and you will call me as such." He let go of you and strode over to his bed, sitting down with his head in his hands. You decided not to fight him on this, you didn't want to push him further.

"Kylo, Luke told me everything.."

He froze and picked his head up to look at you, a look of shame and terror plastered in his eyes. "Everything?"

"Yes! He told me that the First Order attacked, Snoke burned down the camp and killed all the Jedi, he.. He took you from me." You reached out for his hand, trying to comfort him. He clenched his hand into a fist and shook his head.

"Liar, manipulator.." He grumbled.

"Kylo what do you mean?" You said nervously, reaching out for him again.

This time he caught your wrist, "Sit." He commanded. You sat next to him bit your lip, what had Luke lied about? He sighed then mumbled your name, "I need to tell you the truth, the whole truth." You nodded, eager to know everything. But you weren't expecting this.

He told you everything, how ever since the first night he had that nightmare of his master killing him he had been communicating with Snoke. He recalled how the riches of the dark side enticed him, he was promised unlimited power, but most of all you were promised to be kept safe during the rise of the First Order. He told you that he was responsible for the murder of the Jedi, how he burned the temple to the ground, and how Luke tried to kill him.

"I was dreaming of you, dreaming of us.." He said, "I wasn't supposed to have my saber, that's why he took it from me. So he could kill me. It was an act of fear," he said as if he was begging you to believe him. All you could do was nod. Luke's strange behavior after the massacre, his eagerness to train you but no one else, it all made sense. "Snoke sensed trouble in me, and came to rescue me. I knew that if the other Jedi wouldn't join me in leaving, they would be destroyed. I took who I could, but the rest were killed."

The question lingered on your tongue, but you were too afraid to ask. Why had he not taken you?

He turned to look at you, finally taking you into his arms and crushing your face into his chest. "I could never do that to you, I know how much becoming a Jedi meant to you, I know how it would kill you to see me become this.."

"How do you know they wouldn't have killed me?" You questioned.

"Part of the bargain, I go with Snoke and become the muscle behind his operation, you stay safe."

"How can you really believe in all of this though? Killing innocent people? B- Kylo this isn't you.."

He shook his head, "This isn't who you remember, but it's who I am now. I understand the tricks of the Jedi, and you should know too. Skywalker lied to you to keep you from getting your feelings hurt, so you would continue your training. He is using you."

You shook your head, "No. That can't be true, he is like a father to me!"

"Then why do you think he chose you out of all the other padawans waiting to be discovered? Why did he train you, when he knew I was closest to you? You are no different then what I am to Snoke, he created you to destroy me."

The words lingered in your mind, repeating over and over. Of course.. Skywalker had known all along that Ben would appear in that cave during the fear trial, that's why he saved it for last, he had to know that you could destroy your fear of the boy you loved. You remembered everything, he treated you like one of his own because you had no one. No special attachments to family, or friends. Only Ben. He trained you to fight the First Order while he fled into isolation so he wouldn't have to face the man he had created. You started to cry, hot rage filled your stomach.

"Fuck! How could I have been so stupid!" You screamed, hiding your face into Kylo's chest. He rubbed your back and hushed you, "You couldn't have known, Snoke revealed this information to me, it all made sense after that. I knew I had to reach you somehow, but I wasn't sure how, I wasn't sure I was ready, not until you walked onto my ship. Why do you think you had evaded detection for those years you spent hunting me? I sensed you, so I drew my troops away from you. But I must say, you make if awfully difficult to restrain them. You have quite a high body count when it comes to collecting Storm Troopers."

He had made it easier for you.. He never left you, not all this time. But this also means you weren't as strong as you thought you were. Weak, you thought.

He shook his head, "No, not weak. In fact, extremely strong. General Hux almost considered re-instituting the clone program because of you."

You chuckled at the thought of Hux becoming flustered by the amount of bodies you had left in your wake.

He sighed, "I know you must have a lot of unanswered questions, but I feel worn out from all of this. Can we please continue tomorrow?" Kylo Ren? Asking for your approval? You simply nodded, "Yes." He nodded his head in thanks and sat there looking at his hands. A wash of silence fell over you.

"Kylo I have something for you," you said gently and walked over to your bag, rummaging through it. He stood up and looked at you cautiously, peeking over your shoulder.

"Ah-ha!" You giggled and whipped around, holding his somewhat tattered sweater. It was almost 5 years old, and you weren't even sure if it would fit, but you figured it should return to its rightful owner.

You saw Kylo crack a smile as he took the wool sweater from your hands, feeling the fabric, holding it to his nose and inhaling. He frowned.

"What is it," you asked.

"It smells of fire." He said simply, holding it close to his chest. He took another inhale, "But also of you.." He mumbled.

"Well put it on, I didn't save it for all these years so you could smell it," you joked.

He sat down on the bed and hesitated to undress himself. There was a clear line between the past and the present, and he didn't seem sure if he was ready to muddy the line. You placed a gentle hand on his chest, he didn't flinch. "Let me help," you soothed and started to undo the layers of fabric. First his cape, then his cowl, followed by the large leather belt around his waist, his outer armor, then finally...

You felt a warm hand stop you as you went to take off his tight fitting shirt. "It's okay," you said softly, placing a gentle kiss on to his forehead.

"There might be things you don't want to see," he murmured, lowering his hand.

You nodded and lifted off his shirt. You saw a battle zone on his stomach and chest, fresh and old scars littered his body. Reminders of war, you thought. You tried to ignore them as best you could, but you couldn't stop your hand from tracing them. "How did you-"

"Another time," he promised.

You wanted to sob, what evil force was keeping your sweet Ben from telling you things? Were they secrets? Or did he just not trust you anymore? You let out a yelp as a tear slid down your cheek. You needed to be close to him, no more secrets. You climbed into his lap, receiving no protest from him. You straddled his legs and stared into those beautiful dark eyes, wondering what they have seen, what they could possibly be hiding from you. He stared back into yours, probably wondering the same thing.

"I missed you," he said quietly.

"I missed you too," you choked out. You wanted to say his name so badly, but you knew that would only lead to another temper tantrum from him. Without thinking, you leaned in and kissed him quick, your fingers tangling in his hair. He reacted just as quick, as if he was waiting for this to happen. He put a strong hand on your lower back and pushed you into his shirtless chest, he was so warm, so inviting. Your mouths melted together as he fell back onto the bed, pulling you down with him. He held you close and intertwined your legs, making sure there was no way of escape. You moaned for him, begging for more as his fingers pressed harshly into your hips. With one swift motion, he switched places with you. He was now holding himself above you with his elbows as he pecked kisses all down your jaw and neck. You giggled and held on to his shoulders, your body relaxing in the soft bed. "Kylo please," you begged, trying to reach your lips to his. He held his face inches away from yours, "What was that, pet?" He cooed as he stroked your face with a soft finger. "Mm, please sir," you corrected yourself. He smirked and inserted his finger into your wanting mouth, you instinctively sucked, swirling your tongue around the tip of his finger. He whined and took it out quickly, giving you a light slap to the side of your cheek. "Do not tease your master," he warned. You nodded and started to move your hips against his, silently begging him for more. He chuckled, "Needy little slut.." You shook your head with an innocent look on your face, pouting. He raised an eyebrow, "Ah, so the innocent little girl doesn't want her masters cock?" He questioned, sitting up as he started to palm himself through his pants. You smirked and shook your head again, even though every part of your body was screaming for him. "I see, so has my pet been loyal to me all these years, just waiting for her master's cock?" He questioned as he unbuttoned his pants and slid them past his thighs. He giant cock flung up into his stomach, just as big as you remembered.. You thought. Your mouth gaped open, wanting his dick to fill your warm cunt as quickly as possible. "Of course I've waited," you whined, getting more impatient as you watched him stroke himself. "Then you must be so desperate.." He said smoothly. He slid down your pants and quickly slipped a single finger into your slit, your thick liquid encasing his finger. "Ah yes, I can feel just how desperate you are, whore." He spat harshly, sliding another finger in. You let out a quiet moan as his long fingers filled your pussy, your walls clamping around him. He groaned as he kept stroking himself with his other hand, precum oozing out of the tip. "Please master, please I need it," you begged. "Need.. What.." He said through each breath, "Say it slut." You whimpered, "I need your cock inside of me," you begged, trying to settle your hips deeper onto his fingers. He smiled, "What a good girl," he praised, snatching his fingers out of you. "On your hands and knees, your ass towards me," he commanded. You did as he said, your ass raised in the air, your pussy completely exposed to him. He sat up on his knees, grabbing your hips and guided them roughly towards him. He positioned his cock so that just the tip grazed your dripping, sensitive pussy. He took his time with you, despite your begs and pleas. Finally, he eased himself into you, groaning loudly. "Fuck you're so tight pet," he mumbled as he inched himself into you. You let out moans that echoed through the bedroom as you griped tightly to the sheets, begging for more. "Fuck yes master! More, please!" You could hear a chuckle as he started to forcefully pound into you, the bed shaking and slamming into the wall. "As you wish, pet." He thrusted into you at a fast pace, no rhythm, just fast and hard. You loved it. You screamed with both pleasure and pain as he clawed his nails into your back and smacked your ass, leaving a large red hand print. He let out a loud roar of pleasure as he pounded into you, his thick cock stretching your pussy out. "God Kylo I'm gonna-" He cut you off, "No the fuck you won't, do not cum yet little girl." You tried everything to keep yourself from cumming, but nothing could stop that amazing feeling rising in your stomach as your pussy trembled. He thrusted into you a few more times before he grunted and started to breath heavily, "Cum for me slut, cum on this cock." He demanded. You had no issue with that. As he spoke the last syllable you felt sparks fly in your stomach and your heartbeat in your pussy. You clamped on to the bedsheets as your walls tightened around him, cumming on his cock. He howled you felt one final long stroke, then an explosion, you felt his warm seed shoot into your pussy, then you felt him pull out and collapse on the bed beside you. His chest was heaving and his face was covered in sweat. You recovered then slid down into bed next to him, laying a hand on his chest.

"Fuck," he mumbled your name. "That was amazing.."

"Yeah, it was." You said breathless.

He stood up and laid out the covers of the bed, then scooped you up and tucked you in, lying beside you. He nuzzled his chin into your neck, you heard him sigh in content. This was where you were meant to be, you thought. By his side, always and forever. He simply nodded in agreement and stroked your thigh as you slowly started to drift off into peaceful sleep. You turned over and stared at his scar filled chest.

"I said no questions."

"And no questions will be asked," you answered. "I just want to admire you.." You trailed off as you traced the scars on his chest with a gentle finger. After a while, you heard him start to snore. It wasn't loud, but soft and airy, you could tell he was finally at peace. You snuggled up to him and sighed. You kissed his chest and fell into a blissful state of sleepiness.

"Sweet dreams, Solo."

You heard a quiet grumble, "Sweet dreams pet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys enjoyed


	10. Still His Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> protective kylo ???

It was early that next morning when you felt the absent of Kylo, you reached out beside you to feel for his warmth, but it wasn't there. You sat up and looked around, things looked.. messy. Too messy for Kylo Ren's quarters at least. You heard arguing from outside his chambers, so being the curious beast you were, you stood up and quietly walked over to the door and pressed your ear against the cold metal.

"You have been keeping a Jedi in your quarters Ren. It's obvious, even Snoke can sense it."

Hux.

Then, a more familiar voice.

"How I break the prisoner is of no concern to you. She is mine to deal with, do you really think your physical intimidation will cause her to succumb to the dark side?" You could hear the anger in his voice. "Luke Skywalker trained her, and while he is weak, she is not. He made her to defeat me, but I will not let her emotional attachment cause me to stray from my mission."

"Yes, well-"

"Shut up," Kylo demanded. It went deadly silent, he sensed you. You covered your mouth to keep yourself from making any loud breaths and you slowly started to creep away from the door. Thoughts rushed through your head.

He was using me. He doesn't care. I am still his enemy.

The door swung open, you saw Kylo, dressed in full armor and mask, as well as Hux and a group of Storm Troopers. You brushed the hair away from your face and tugged at Kylo's night shirt, trying to come up with a plan. Your eyes darted to Hux then to Kylo, but he offered you no sympathy. No emotion at all, in fact. Except his balled, rage filled fists. Hux stomped over to you and snatched your arm, holding you up as if to present you to Kylo. You yelped at his surprisingly strong grip, "Ow!" You saw Kylo's muscles tense as he watched the way Hux handle you.

"You call this breaking?" He spat, "Letting Jedi scum wear your night clothes, I wouldn't be surprised if you had her."

Silence.

"Just as I thought," he sneered. "Funny, have you told her about the destruction of the Hosnian System?" Kylo had no response. "Ah so I guess you haven't," he looked at you. "The man you care for has ordered for the killing thousands of resistance fighters and destruction of planets as we speak."

Tears rolled down your face as you looked up into the cold, uninviting mask. "Is this true?"

He stared at you, his glare unwavering. "Yes."

You let out a loud sob and dropped to your knees, you knew it was bad but you had no idea Kylo Ren had ordered the strike himself.

"Take her to a separate interrogation room, I will deal with her personally," Hux ordered. The Storm Troopers pushed passed Kylo who stood there frozen, no longer the man you made love to last night. They dragged you out by your arms, your knees scraping the floor as you screamed in agony, you felt your heart breaking all over again. Kylo's gaze followed you down the hall, but you didn't look back. How could you look back into the face of a monster. All you heard before you turned the corner was the enraged scream of a man in pain, and the screech of lightsaber against metal.

You felt like you were being dragged into a maze, endless hallways and they all looked the same. Storm Troopers passed you in the hallway, staring at your bruised and battered body. Finally, they reached a small room and threw you in. The door slammed shut behind you as you heard them enter in a locking code. You ran up to the door and slammed your fists against it, praying to the gods it would open. After several failed attempts, you gave up and slid down on to the ground. You tried to gather your surroundings, but it was impossible. It was pitch black, you couldn't even see your hand in front of your face. You drew your knees to your chest and rocked yourself back and forth as you sobbed.

How could you have been so stupid? How could you turn a blind eye to the resistance you were trying to save because of some stupid boy who didn't even love you back?

None of it mattered anymore, there was nothing you could do. You couldn't save the resistance by yourself, so why even try. You sniffed and wiped your nose with the back of your hand. Kylo really had done it, he had broken you. "Congratulations fuck face!" You screamed into the metal door, "You did it! You broke me!"

A few days past, no food, no water, no hope. You thought you had been left to die until suddenly the door flew open, and in walked General Hux with a stiff black rod in one hand, and a piece of cloth in the other. You scooted away from him, as far as you could go until your back was pinned up against the back wall. The door shut as lights flickered on, illuminating his evil smirk.

"You know, I do things much different than Ren," he said as he strutted towards you. "I was never a huge fan of the Force, I much rather prefer things to be.. Physical."

"No need for all of that asshole, he already did it. I've given up."

He clicked his tongue as he stood over you, "Oh no, I don't care much about that. You see, I was given special orders from Supreme Leader Snoke to kill you. Painfully." He snickered and batted the rod in his hand. "Painfully enough so Kylo Ren can feel it himself, and use it to fuel his hate. As much as I don't like him and as much as I wish it could be me to destroy the resistance, he has a mission to carry out, and it is my duty to make sure nothing stands in his way."

You glared back at him trying to burn holes into his eyes. "Thank the gods you aren't in charge, you would have lost already."

"Ah yes, I was told you Jedi have a bit of an attitude issue. Let me take care of that for you." He swiftly slammed the rod into your side with such force it toppled you over. You let out a loud scream and tried to crawl away from him, but he easily kept up with you. "Stupid girl!" He bellowed as he landed another blow this time on your knee. You let out another piercing scream, the pain ringing in your ears. Your vision was suddenly clouded by a flash of hot, bright light and the ringing in your ears intensified. Hux was speaking but you couldn't hear a word. He beat you ferociously with the rod, even landing a good smack to the side of your face which caused your nose and head to started bleeding. You held your hands up attempting to stop him, and for a moment you thought it worked. "Ah, what's this?" He questioned as he ripped the bandage from your cheek and let it flutter to the floor. "Looks like Ren has already done some of the base work for me," he said smoothly as he dug a single fingernail into the gash. You cried out so loud the lights started to flicker, you were too weak to use the Force but this was a sure good reminder it was still with you. He smeared the blood onto your face and slapped your cheek hard. You fought hard to get away and evade the beating.

"Fuck you!"

"That will not do!" He exclaimed, almost laughing. He stepped over your broken body and took the cloth from his pocket and gagged you with it, tying it behind your head. Your screams were muffled through the gag. "Perfect!" He applauded himself. He swung again at your knees, this time one of them didn't move. Hot rage filled your stomach as you tried to focus your energy onto the rod, trying to send it flying across the room. But something wouldn't allow you, be it your oath to never use the Force in anger, or that your spirit had already been broken. More light clouded your vision as the ringing in your ears continued, a strange compression in your chest ensued.

He was coming.

Hux continued to beat you savagely, you were sure he was trying to break every bone in your body. "This is what you get for playing hero, scum!" He yelled as he brought one last blow to your head. You collapsed as you choked on blood and tears, you were ready to die. He dropped the rod and knelt down by your head, "You know, you do look quite beautiful like this, all bloodied and.. Broken. So vulnerable," he whispered as he drew a stiff finger against your bloodied face. You didn't react, didn't try to escape. This is where it ends, you thought. At the hands of the First Order.

As he started to feel your body more, groping you with his long bony fingers, the door flung open. Kylo. Immediately the cold presence of Hux diminished, you heard the slam of flesh against metal, a cry, then silence. He ran to you, untying the gag from your mouth and swiftly removing his helmet. You saw a fresh wound on his face, it looked very painful.

"Kylo," you mumbled, reaching out to touch his face. "What happ-"

"I'll kill him I swear, I'll make him suffer." He spat, shaking his head as he took you up into his arms. You shuddered at the thought out how many people had died while facing this armor, but now wasn't the time to think about that. He held you close to his chest and exited the room. He ran with you, hiding you in his chest to the landing area. He quietly loaded you onto his Command Shuttle and sat you in the chair next to his, securing you in the seat. You let your head fall to the side, staring at Ren as he frantically pressed buttons and switched things on. In no time, the ramp of the Finalizer had opened and you were speeding away.

"Kylo," you mumbled, suddenly you were overcome with dizziness. You stopped talking, you just looked at him.

He turned to you, his eyes filled with panic as he overlooked your beaten body. "Don't worry, I'm taking you somewhere safe, you'll have time to recover I promise." His voice trembled but he held his demeanor steady. You didn't have the strength to speak, you simply nodded as you started to drift out of consciousness. He faced back towards the controls and mumbled your name, "I am so sorry," he whispered, afraid of being heard. You could no longer focus on anything around you, not even Kylo. You closed your eyes, accepting death if it were to come to you. Your limbs felt numb and you couldn't even attempt to move your fingers or toes, so you laid there motionless, only noticing your body when it lurched forward as Kylo jumped into light speed, flying far away from the Finalizer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hux is a BITCH


	11. The Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i really like the prequels ahem anyways

It was a rough landing, just like the first time you flew with Kylo. You woke up to the sound of him cursing as he frantically tried to level out the Command Shuttle, you opened your eyes and saw a beautiful planet fast approaching.

"Fuck!" He yelled as he leaned forward and flipped a final switch. You felt your body being forced back into the seat as the ship slowed and leveled out. You held your side and sighed, closing your eyes again.

Kylo heard you and turned his head, "Oh gods.. Try and stay still, alright?"

You nodded as the ship approached a landing dock, surprisingly it was relatively deserted, he didn't even have to request to land. The Command Shuttle rattled to the ground, the vibrations shook your bones and you let out a soft whimper.

"Where are we Kylo," you mumbled, trying to hoist yourself up into a sitting position.

"Don't move," he demanded as he switched a lever and the ramp slowly made its way towards the ground. He swiftly picked you up and shouldered your bag, you didn't even notice he brought it on board. You two exited the ship and were immediately greeted out of no where by a strange looking creature, standing almost shoulder height to Kylo. The creature had long floppy ears which hung behind its back and dull yellow eyes which were lifted slightly above its head, its skin looked like aged leather. You had hidden your face into Kylo's chest, so you only got a quick view of the creature. As it approached you felt Kylo's chest heave.

"Perfect, a Gungan."

Gungan? You quickly snapped your head to look at the planet you had ignored. Its lush green environment and the smell of fresh air and flowers overtook your senses. You knew exactly where you were, but you had only heard of it in stories. You were on Naboo. Your thoughts were interrupted by a cough of the Gungan.

"Heyo-dalee, What are yousa doing on Naboo? Did yousa get landing permission?" The Gungan looked Kylo up and down, you were sure the creature knew exactly who he was.

"We did not," Kylo answered calmly. "But we are in need of immediate emergency help, the girl has several broken bones and most likely a concussion." You could feel his body tense up as the Gungan looked him up and down.

"Ah, meesa see. Come, come," he insisted as he led you towards a busted up speeder tank. He ushered you in, Kylo took the passenger seat, holding you in his lap close to his chest. The Gungan sat in the driver's seat and switched the old thing on, it rattled to life as lights dimly flickered to life.

"Are you sure this thing is safe?" Kylo murmured, holding you closer and supporting your head with a gloved hand.

The Gungan nodded, "Fastest way to palace, that is where yousa get help yousa need." With that the speeder took off, throwing everybody inside forward. It sped through the soft green grass and within minutes you saw a beautiful palace only about a mile away. You groaned as you felt your body punish you for having a moment of peace. "Kylo.." You whined. He simply nodded and planted a soft kiss on your head. "Can't this thing go any faster?" He griped. The creature shook its head, "Last time meesa went over this speed, it went boom!" He offered a soft and awkward laugh as you approached the palace. Guards hurried outside and watched as the old speeder approached. It came to a screeching halt and in no time Kylo had gotten out of the speeder and strutted up to the guards. They recognized him.

"We are in allegiance with the resistance, Ren. Kill us if you must but we will not succumb to your dark ways," one spat.

"This is no longer a matter of light or dark, this girl is near death and needs assistance. Please, you will take her into your care," he said smoothly, using the Force to influence their minds. "I will stay outside of the city walls if I must, but she will get help now."

The guard sighed and ordered the others to put away their weapons. "Fine, there is a small hut a little ways from here. You will stay there while we help her. But you must leave once she is healed."

He received a nod from Ren, the closest you've ever seen him give a thank you.

Kylo gently handed you off to one of the guards and watched as they carried you off into the city. You gave Kylo a scared look. I need you here, what if something happens? You thought, praying he would hear. He nodded and answered, I'll be close by. I promise. The reassurance was all you needed to hear. You leaned your head into the guard's chest and stared in wonder as you entered the beautiful city. Quite unlike the deserted grasslands outside the city, inside it was filled with different species bartering at markets and living normal lives. You envied them. What you wouldn't give to stay here with Ben, not Kylo, Ben. What you would give to live out your days on a planet far away and just start over, even if you had nothing but each other.

They brought you to the palace, hurrying quickly through beautiful marble halls held up by strong columns. You saw a group of women passing by, clothed in breezy dresses accompanied with long locks of curly brown hair, striking brown eyes and dazzling white teeth. Maybe it's better that Kylo isn't here.. The women looked similar but not the same. They giggled as they walked past you, they smelled of fresh flowers. You knew for sure you didn't smell like fresh flowers. They finally got you to the medical wing of the palace, carefully laying you down onto a soft bed. A man walked up to you and asked for your status and what had happened. The guards had no response. They were dismissed and the man took out a hand held scanner and started to sweep your body. As it passed your ribs it emitted a loud beeping sound, then again with your fingers, knees, and ankles. He let out a surprised huff and looked at you, "Well you seemed to have broken everything important. What happened? And don't tell me you fell," he demanded. You gulped and shook your head, "Uh.. A bad fight." He scoffed, "Fine, don't tell me. Now I'm going to have to undress you," he warned. "Uh, for safety."He nodded as if he had just come up with a good answer. He grabbed a pair of sheers and cut open your shirt, leaving you exposed for him to see. Your breathing hitched as the cold metal of the sheers grazed your stomach. He went for your pants next. He made a long and deliberate cut down your waistline to your crotch, then he cut away both pant legs. Finally, he cut away your panties. He tossed them to the side and glanced up at you, a blush creeping across his face. Your ears rung for a second. I'll kill him, you heard a voice mutter in your mind.

"C-can we please start?" You asked.

He cleared his throat and adjusted his clothes, embarrassed he had been caught admiring you. "Now, this is going to hurt. I'm assuming you don't want to stay here long so the quickest treatment is to fuze the bones together." He said this as if he did this on a daily basis, oh gods, how you wish Luke were here to Force heal you. He placed a light weight body cast over you and started to press some buttons from the outside.

You laughed, attempting to ease the tension, "I've been through worse."

"Debatable," he said flatly. "Are you ready to start?"

"Well.. Uh, I guess. Thank you, erm.. What's your name?" You asked awkwardly, trying to prolong the inevitable pain for as long as possible.

He knitted his brows, "Lucas. Now please try not to move, if you move too much the bones will fuse wrong. Huge mess," he muttered.

You clenched your teeth, awaiting the pain. Oh did it come. It was just a warm feeling first, but it quickly increased. It soon turned to fire licking at your bones as you felt them melting then fusing back together. You screamed in pain, gripping the bed sheets trying to stay still. You remembered what he said about bones fusing together wrong. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Lucas staring down at you with worry, he didn't want to see you hurting. It was only minutes, but the pain felt like hours. The scorching of your bones reminded you of the beating you took from Hux, only this was more constant. Finally the fire died down, and you felt the rush of a cool breeze cool your body. Your chest was heaving and tears streamed down your face, but the pain of broken bones was less significant than before, in fact, almost completely gone.

Lucas wrapped a robe around your naked body and urged you to take his hand. "Go on, try and stand up." You nodded and grabbed his hand, slowly getting up on to your feet. You stumbled on your first steps but he was right there to catch you. He gave you a warm smile, which you didn't return. He bit his lip and sighed, "Well, you seem to be walking fine. I'll get someone to help you get clothes." He left you there standing on your own, your legs still jelly. He returned minutes later with one of the women you had seen before, jealousy struck your heart. Even when Kylo wasn't there, you still got worried about other women. Not that you had much to worry about before, The Finalizer wasn't exactly women friendly.

"Hello, I am Fauna," she greeted you with a gentle smile and locked arms with you. "I'm sure you're scared and confused, but I can take you to get a new outfit if you'd like."

You nodded and walked down the hallway with her into a room filled with fabulous dresses, none of which you could ever picture yourself wearing. It took a while to find a dress you liked and one that would fit you, all the women on the island held the same petite frame. Finally, the two of you had decided on a black flowy dress that was held to your neck by a silver collar. It draped off your shoulders almost down to your elbows. The underdress was loose fitting, but hugged your body more so than the outer part. It flowed down to your ankles and led a slight train of fabric behind it. Even you thought it was beautiful. She then placed you on a velvet bench in front of a mirror and brushed out the knots in your hair, smoothing it down. Then she took a wet cloth and gently wiped over your face with it. When Fauna let you look back into the mirror, you were surprised you were even looking at the same person. Your fragile fingers touched your face, no amount of wiping could wash away the bruises. She saw your discomfort and smiled, "You look beautiful." You nodded and held her hand, "Thank you Fauna." She nodded in acknowledgment. "Now, I'm sure you have someone waiting for you, let's not keep them waiting." You stood up and followed her down the hallways and out of the palace. As you proceeded down the steps she waved you goodbye and disappeared back into the palace.

You stepped into the crowded market place, pushing your way through people who no longer paid you any mind. You looked just like anyone else, clean and proper. You looked ahead at some fruit stand selling exotic foods and saw the tall figure of a man, bartering with someone.

Kylo?

He must have found a way into the city, because no guards seemed to be bothering him. In fact, he had looked like he changed clothes too. He wore raggedy, stiff cloth pants that were being held above his waist by a flimsy belt as well as a black shirt made of the same unforgiving material, the chest portion was loosely laced up with some sort of string leather. His lightsaber hung as his side and your bag was still slung over his shoulder. If you didn't already know him, he could have passed as somewhat normal.

You made your way through the crowd toward him. Once you reached him you took hold of his hand, he quickly looked down at you with a look of malice but once he saw you his demeanor changed. He said your name in awe and looked at you, his mouth hanging open slightly. You giggled and punched his arm playfully, "I had no other options."

"You look stunning," he commented as if he didn't even hear what you just said. He grabbed your waist gently, inspecting your face and body. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"What? Lucas? Gods no, he only did what he had to do," you responded as you reassuringly squeezed his hand.

"Including taking your clothes off," Kylo mumbled, staring at the ground.

"Hey, He only did what he had to do."

He nodded and suddenly took you in for a hug, holding you close to him.

The suns were starting to set and the market place started to clear out, only a few vendors remained open. You decided it would be a good idea to eat something after everything you had gone through. Once you purchased your meal, which consisted of some type of roasted meat, bread, and a strange looking vegetable, both you and Kylo made your way to the steps of the city. You sat there and ate, a weird tension hanging in the air.

You sighed, "Kylo, your face.."

He put his plate down and stared at the setting suns, "If I tell you, no questions."

You nodded and sat with your chin resting on your hands, ready to hear whatever he had to say.

"There's a girl, she is strong with the Force, but has never been trained. Her powers only seem to be growing. I thought I could break her, turn her even. But there were complications," he mumbled and put a single finger on his wound and traced down. "Our entire base was destroyed because of her and the resistance. But more importantly, she has found a piece of the map that leads to Luke Skywalker. She took it with her, it's gone."

You stared at him, sensing there was something else he wasn't telling you. You decided to push, it's not like he could run away. "Kylo.. There's something more. Tell me," you urged. You focused on to his mind, his soul, and started to pull. He stared at you for a moment as if he was fighting it. He stared at the ground and held his hands, "I killed my father."

Silence fell, not a sound was made minus the insects chirping in the grass. You stared at him for a long time, your face becoming heated with anger. "Kylo how could you?" Your body tensed as your breathing became heavier.

"He was an obstacle in the way of my goal, he insisted I come home, and that is something I could never do." He stared back at you, his eyes no longer showed any emotion, his face was still.

You felt your heart break. All of this time, after he rescued you, fled the First Order for you. And now he's saying he couldn't come back? You stood up angrily, tears filling your eyes. "You rescued me! You brought me here and now you're saying you're going back?" Your voice wobbled as you spoke.

He stood up with you -- his tall frame towered over you, sending a small sense of fear into your heart. "What I said on the Finalizer was true, your feelings for me will not make me stray from my duty to the First Order. I thought this was made clear." He clenched his fists and glared down at you, his long hair falling into his eyes. "I'm afraid you are a bad influence on me, but what should I have expected from a Jedi," he spat. "Just like your master, using tricks to destroy me. Well I won't let that happen." He took off towards the hut just beyond the hill. You followed him, trying to keep up with his large strides.

"Hey! So you're saying all of this was for nothing? You seriously think I made you save me? You're full of shit, Solo!" You screamed, stopping in your tracks.

He turned around and lifted his hand as if to strike you, but he put down his hand and sighed. "You have clouded my vision for the last time, Jedi. I am leaving. Think of this experience as an extended hand of my grace." He started walking towards the speeder parked by the hut, but he stopped one final time and turned to you, "If I see you again, I will kill you. This is your warning, stay out of my endeavors." With that, he dropped your bag down at your feet, your lightsaber tumbling out of it. He boarded the small ship and sped off towards the loading dock, leaving you completely and utterly alone as the final sun sank behind the skyline, plunging you into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) i am sorry


	12. False Narrative

Six months had passed since you last saw him. Six months, and you had almost completely moved on. You heard of rumors Kylo Ren had killed Snoke and had become the new Supreme Leader, but you ignored those theories. You wanted no part of him. You loathed the man he had become.

You had stayed on Naboo for those six months, residing in the hut just beyond the palace walls. It was a good place to meditate and pick up on your training. You worked yourself ruthlessly every day, not caring if your power came from anger now or not. Your body had become stronger because of it, no longer the frail girl Kylo Ren had saved.

You were getting ready to go out on a nightly run of the obstacle course you had made yourself out near the woods. You strapped your knife holster to your thigh and carefully placed a long, sharp knife into the compartment. Then you grabbed your saber and headed out the door. You were met by two guards holding up metal spears, one of them was the same kind man who took you in when you arrived all those months ago.

"Ma'am, we must ask you to come to the city with us immediately, First Order ships have arrived at our landing dock. An invasion is coming."

You swallowed hard as your fingers tightened around the hilt of your saber, your knuckles turning white.

I'll kill you. You remembered those words, it felt like a knife twisting in your stomach.

You nodded and they started to walk toward the city, the long grass tickling your legs. You sensed something was off, then you heard it. It was the soft whine of machinery, but it quickly got louder. You turned around on your heel and saw two speeders chasing after you, Storm Troopers driving them. You snapped your head in the direction of the city guards, "Run!" You screamed. They took off, but it was too late -- the Storm Troopers were already on top of you. They impaled the two guards with long spears, driving them straight forward. You saw the fear in the kind man's eyes as the impact happened. It was a clean cut, straight into their chests. You cried out and switched on your saber, the green flame singing the grass as you twirled the hilt in your hand, daring them to advance. The Troopers hopped off their speeders, one pulled out a baton with a sharp point while the other pulled out a blaster. One Trooper shot at you but your saber deflected the blast, sending it into the grass.

You made your move and charged toward the Trooper with the gun, easily defeating him at close range. You slammed your saber into the armored man's chest and watched him crumple to the ground. The other one slammed his baton onto your hands causing you to drop the saber into the tall grass. He tried to hit you again but you grabbed the baton, the sharp blade inches from your face. You pushed hard against the Trooper but even with your new found strength the man's weight overpowered you. He kicked your shin and forced you to the ground, stepping on your chest and gently pressing the tip of the blade into your neck.

"You Jedi aren't as strong as people believe," he mocked through his helmet. "You know, you sure remind me of the girl Ren brought on his ship a few months ago, oh wait. That was you," he snickered. "I have special orders from the Supreme Leader to bring you back dead if I were to see you, I'm sure I'll be rewarded handsomely for bringing in his prize." He grazed your neck with the blade just hard enough to break the skin, a trickle of blood trailing down the side of your neck and into the grass. You stared into the helmet, focusing on the evil soul behind it. Suddenly he dropped his baton and held his hands to his neck, trying to break free of the invisible chains being wrapped around his neck. You stuck out your hand and called back your lightsaber which came flying into your hand. You quickly forced it in his stomach and he collapsed on top of you. You switched the blade off and pushed the bleeding man off of you. 

You stood up and dusted yourself off, searching the horizon for any more Troopers. You didn't see them, but you could hear the far off cries of the people in the city. You took one of the speeders and raced toward the now haunting city. You arrived in no time, running towards the gates and stepping inside was like launching yourself into another universe. This was no longer the city you had grown to love. Storm Troopers were forcing people into shops and barricading the doors, not letting anyone escape. You couldn't take all of them by yourself, so you hid. You found yourself protected behind a large statue in the corner of the city, making sure nobody was being killed. To your surprise, no one was. They were just... herded. Like cattle. You were ripped from your thoughts when you heard the soft hum of a ship landing just outside the city walls. You peeked outside and saw something you had never seen before. It was a rather small ship, but the wings protruded out like a claw. The main compartment was small but served its purpose. One thing you did know was that it looked fast. Somehow you already knew who would be coming out of that ship, and you were somewhat excited, but your soul fought it. You gritted your teeth and held your lightsaber at the ready, expecting to have to turn it on at any moment.

He emerged, stepping out of his new ship silently. He walked right past you, only stopping for a moment to study the statue you were hiding behind. He searched the empty city, making sure no one was around to hear him. He called over one of the Troopers and asked, "Has she been seen?"

"There are two guards dead a little ways away from the hut she was known to be staying at, Sir." The solider shifted his weight onto each foot, clearly nervous. Kylo knitted his brows, but a small smile escaped, as if he were happy they didn't catch you. You watched his every move. Other than the smile, he remained still and emotionless. You couldn't help but notice that his mask was no where to be seen. He simply nodded and waved him off, "Fine. If you see her, kill her," he commanded more loud than usual, perhaps hoping you would hear. 

You understood his warning and in a moment of instinct you ran, knocking over a few clay pots surrounding the statue. You heard Storm Troopers tell you to stop, but you kept running not even looking back. You felt Kylo stare a hole into the back of your head as he started to follow you. You felt the hot blast of gunfire as it landed in the grass by your feet, causing you to trip but not fall. You felt the night breeze against your face as you ran faster, losing the Storm Troopers as you ran into the woods. You heard the whine of his ship getting closer, following you as you jumped over fallen trees and stumbled through puddles. His ship could never follow you here. You knew you were foolish for running, but at least the people of Naboo were safer while everybody was looking for you rather than guarding them. You struggled to catch your breath as you slumped down behind a tall tree, listening to the yells of Troopers as they searched for you. You wiped the sweat off your brow and pulled your hair over to one side of your neck, rubbing your sore shoulder. You placed a hand on your neck and scraped away the dried blood then wiped your hands on your pant leg. You heard footsteps approach, then, the crunch of a branch. You got up quickly and peered through the darkening forest, Kylo. He approached you with conviction, his fists clenched, each step taken with deliberate force. You took off through the trees again, nearing the end of the forest. You heard his footsteps get closer but it was overpowered by the sound of crashing waves against the cliff on which the forest stood. You were trapped.

You heard him call out your name, but you didn't listen. You fast approached the edge of the cliff and stared down into the water, a long way down if you decided to jump. You turned around as you heard his boots against the stone, he was only a few feet away from you.

For the first time in months, you felt genuine fear -- but you refused to back down. You glared up at him, staring down his enormous frame. You two stood there in silence, not sure how to start the conversation.

"Why are you here, Ren?" You seethed.

"For you," he said.

"Me? Then why did you tell those Troopers to kill me?" You questioned again, edging back more and more towards the edge of the cliff.

He watched your feet with concern and stepped closer, "If they knew I ordered a large scale invasion of a planet the First Order has no interest in just because I wanted to see you, they would not have been too keen." He said, as if it was obvious. 

You huffed and stared at him, "What about your self ordained duty to the First Order?"

"I am now the Supreme Leader, I killed Snoke. I have no loyalty other than to myself. No orders to follow except for my own."

"Why did you kill him?" You asked, hoping he would give some sort of logical answer.

"Because his plan was flawed. I wish to be under the rule of no one," he said calmly. "Now please come away from the edge of the cliff, I'm not here to hurt you." He offered you his hand.

You waited a moment then cautiously shook your head, "How do I know you aren't lying to me Ren?" You asked, taking one more step back. You felt the rock crumble underneath you, you lost your footing, almost falling to your certain death. Kylo quickly reached out and grabbed your hand, yanking you away from the edge of the cliff and stepping back quickly, falling over with you on top of him.

You groaned and sat up -- your legs on either side of his lap, you placed your hands on his stomach to steady yourself.

He moaned in pain and propped himself up on his elbows, "If you weren't so clumsy I'd have a hard time proving that I'm not here to harm you," he mumbled. He sat up fully, your noses almost touching. You could feel his warmth, his eyes looked more troubled than evil now, he had more conflict in his heart than ever before. 

You stared at him, mesmerized by his haunting beauty. His scar was now covered by a mesh looking bandage, almost healed. His eyes looked intense as normal, but more focused now as if he were trying to find every one of your dirty secrets.

Get out of my head, Ren. You thought as your faces inched closer, your nervous breathing catching his attention. You put a soft hand to his face, stroking his cheek.

Then you saw him do something you haven't seen in a long time. He let a genuine smile leak from his lips while he studied your face. It's something I can't help, he thought. I need to know every single inch of you..

With that he planted his lips on yours. You felt a spark ignite in your heart, and all of the old memories -- the memories you had pushed back -- flooded into your mind. The way he held you close, the way protected you, the way he made you so desperate for his touch, the way he degraded you.. You slammed your lips back into his, wrapping your fingers around his gorgeous locks and giving them a slight tug. He groaned and tilted his head up, exposing his neck to you. You attacked his neck like it was the last time, your fingers trailed from his hair down to his chest, stripping him of his layers as his long lanky fingers attempted to remove your shirt.

"Fuck," he muttered, frustrated that he couldn't remove the skin tight shirt from you. He got fed up and ripped the back of the shirt with one swift tear. You bit your lip and looked up at him, you saw desperation in his eyes -- not just lust, he really fucking needed you. You slipped the torn fabric from your shirt, exposing your bare breasts to him. He stared at your chest and pushed you further up into his lap, bringing your tender breasts to his lips. He sucked and nibbled on them, lightly flicking his tongue over your nipples. You let out loud desperate moans as you grinded up against him, your needy cunt getting wetter by the second. He smirked and left hickies all over your chest, really taking his time on each individual bruise. You threw your head back in ecstasy, your aching clit begging to be touched.

"Kylo please," you mumbled, trying to keep your composure as he left more painful hickies on your chest and neck,

"Be patient, pet.." He said softly as he kissed you, licking up your neck.

You shivered at his touch and nodded. He gently lifted you up and placed you on your knees beside him. He flipped over and laid out his shirt layers on the ground, then guided you to lay down on them. He helped you undo your pants and slid them carefully down to your ankles, then he did the same with your underwear. He quickly took off his and climbed on top of you, planting soft kisses down your body. You giggled softly as he trailed his rugged fingers up and down your sides, you had never seen him this gentle. He finally made his way up to your lips and kissed you while his hand snaked down and started to rub your clit in painfully slow circles. You whined and begged, but he would hear none of it. He simply shushed you as he teased your tight pussy with the tip of his cock, barely rubbing up against it. You moved your hips closer to his, hoping he would get the hint.

"So needy for me," he drawled out, entranced by your beauty.

You nodded and kissed him softly, biting and tugging on his lip. Finally, he slowly entered you, his cock already pulsing. You sighed and laid your head down, gripping on to his shoulders. He pumped in and out, taking his time to feel everything you had to offer him. Your walls tightened around him and he let out a load moan, shoving his cock all the way into you.

"Take it pet, be a good girl for me." He mumbled in complete bliss. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he continues to rub your clit, edging you closer and closer to sweet release. This was a feeling you realized you couldn't go without, and he needed you as much as you needed him. You felt yourself about to cum, it came about you slowly as if it were teasing you.

"Kylo I'm gonna cum," you whimpered desperately.

He nodded and rubbed your clit faster, still fucking you at that same slow pace. "Cum for me pet, cum on my cock."

You let out a loud whine then a moan as you felt yourself cum, gripping his shoulders tightly. You were sure you left nail indents in his skin.

He huffed as he tried to pace himself, your pussy now dripping wet with a mix of your cum and his precum.

"Fuck I'm going to cum in that pretty little pussy my pet," he moaned, gripping your hips. "I'm going to fill you with my cum, is my pet okay with that?" He asked in a soft voice.

You nodded quickly, "Please sir cum in me, I need you."

He desperately called out your name as he slammed into you hard and fast for a few strokes, then you felt a warm liquid shoot inside of you. He panted, remaining inside you for a few seconds then pulled out, his cum leaking out of you. He leaned over you and planted a soft kiss on your mouth then rolled over and laid beside you. You turned your head to look at him, and he did the same. You two stared at each other for a few minutes, admiring the others distinct beauty until you heard the shouting of Storm Troopers heading your way. He quickly stood up and helped you get dressed, slipping his undershirt over your head so you'd have a shirt to wear. You frantically looked around, looking for an escape. He caught your arm and looked at you with pleading eyes, his hair still plastered to his face.

"Come with me," he said, tightening his grip on your arm.

"Kylo I-"

"No. I cannot take no for an answer. Come with me back to the Finalizer, we can discuss details there but.."

The march of the Troopers got louder, they were almost right on top of you.

"I need you," he whispered, silently begging you with his eyes.

You thought about Luke for the first time in a long time. You knew he had died, but you still looked to him for guidance. You had heard no answer from him in a very long time. You thought about the resistance, and what they were fighting for. Could you take another stab at your heart from Kylo Ren? Could you even live without him? 

You looked into his eyes as he tried to search your mind for an answer. You knew you needed him, no matter what costs. Resistance or not, light or dark, your love transcended it all, it transcended the stars.

You sucked in a deep breath, giving him the slightest nod, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone added this to their reylo folder on wattpad and im not ok with it


	13. New Beginnings

You felt a warm leather finger touch your chest, Kylo's dark eyes assuring you that everything would be okay put you at a certain sense of ease. You gulped and nodded as you felt your knees buckle and your vision fade. He needed to make it look like he had captured you. He swept you off your feet and tucked his arm underneath your legs, caring you with ease towards the now approaching Storm Troopers.

Your laid limp in his arms, trying to be as believable as possible that you really were unconscious. His fingers dug into your skin, holding you tight as the Storm Troopers approached, halting in front of their Supreme Leader. "Sir, we can take her on the main ship and put her in a cell there," one said, reaching out for you.

Kylo took a step back, "That will be unnecessary. She will come with me, she has surrendered. She is too much of an essential to eliminate," he stated coldly. He was met with astounding silence, ever since they heard what he had done to Hux, no one was about to challenge him. He started to walk back through the forest, retracing his steps back to his ship. You heard the harsh crunch of branches, followed by the loud march of Storm Troopers accompanying him. You sensed something in Kylo you hadn't felt in a very long time, worry. You tried to communicate with him, willing your thoughts to be pushed into his head, but he blocked you out. For the first time since you've known him, Kylo had blocked you out of his mind. Your heart sank as you sneaked an eye open, hoping he would be looking at you. But he wasn't. He was looking straight ahead, like he was a savage animal hunting for something. You closed your eyes again and grabbed on to his arm softly, he squeezed your leg in return.

Later, he conveyed to you.

Finally you arrived to his ship, he slid you in carefully into one of the seats and waved off his army. "I want my quarters ready when I arrive, keep my landing dock open." He commanded swiftly. You felt his eyes fall on you, then he spoke again. "Free the people in the city, take nothing and no one." You heard a few "yes sirs" then, silence. He got into the small ship, sitting next to you and closed the hatch closed on you both. You waited a few seconds until you couldn't hear the marching of Troopers, then opened your eyes and rubbed them, adjusting to the brightly lit buttons and screens. He didn't take notice of you as the ship lifted off the ground and sped off into the blackness of space.

The silence was awful, almost painful. 

Why had he blocked you out? Was there still things he was keeping from you? You searched his face for any sense of emotion but all you could find was annoyance because somehow his hands were getting too large for his gloves. He cursed and ripped them off, shoving them into some empty compartment. He wiped the hair away from his face then slowly realized he was being watched. He turned slowly towards you, "What?"

You scoffed and crossed your arms, displeased with how he answered you. "You're funny you know that?" You mumbled, cursing his name under your breath. He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brows, interested as to how you came to that conclusion. "How is that," he answered in a stiff tone. "You give me whiplash with the changing emotions, one second you're begging me to come back and the next, well, you're treating me like you hate me." He looked straight ahead into the abyss of space and tightened his grip on the steering control. "If you'd rather me to be soulless all the time, all you have to do is ask," he huffed. "You know I am trying," he said a little softer. You heaved a great sigh and looked down at your folded hands, considering everything, he really was trying. You bit your lip and nodded. 

Back to silence.

He said nothing to you for the rest of the short trip back to the Finalizer, he barely even regarded you as the ship loaded the dock. He pressed a button and the hatch flew open, he just as quickly exited, not waiting for you to catch up. You managed your way out of the ship, following closely at his heels as you noticed a stiff grimace from your old friend General Hux. As Kylo crossed his path Hux's gaze immediately dropped, his eyes trained submissively on the floor. Kylo halted fast in front of the general, causing you to almost stumble into him. You swayed on your feet and caught Kylo's arm for balance which he quickly yanked away from you, followed by a stare that could kill. He turned his attention away from you and cleared his throat, demanding Hux's attention. The small, fear stricken man looked up to meet his leader's stare.

"Yes sir?" He asked, his gaze drifting inquisitively back to you. You shifted uncomfortably on your feet and tried to look unfazed, staring directly back into those dead beady eyes.

Kylo pretended not to notice this lack of respect, but his body language couldn't lie. His jaw and fist clenched, "I want all available troops searching for the new rebel base, if you find something, bring it to my attention immediately. Is that clear General Hux?" He spoke coldly, and the room filled with an icy silence. Hux was still staring at you. "General," he said again. This time more demanding, his deep voice filling the room, it was almost suffocating. Hux's head snapped back to Kylo, he realized the severity of his error. He nodded quickly and choked on his words, "Y-yes sir. Absolutely."

Kylo turned on his heel, grabbed your wrist with a grip so tight you thought he might break it, then stomped out of the landing dock towards his corridors. It wasn't long until you reached his bedroom. You saw his bed and remembered how the two of you had slept together, how he kissed you, how he held you. You stood there staring aimlessly at the bed, the flood of fond memories were soon washed from your brain when you heard the harsh slam of doors. The two of you were completely alone.

You turned your head to him, he was just as invested in the bed as you were. Unfazed by the slamming of the doors, his dark eyes scanned the bed as if he were looking for some lost memory. He furrowed his brows and huffed as he turned away and stalked off towards his wardrobe. His long fingers wrapped around the handles and with a swift pull the doors opened, revealing a large array of purely black clothes. He took out a thin long sleeve shirt for himself, then dug deep into the forest of clothes and revealed his old sweater, tossing it to you as if it meant nothing.

"Kylo.."

"It doesn't fit anymore, no need in keeping it. Either you wear it or it goes into the incinerator," he stated plainly.

You scoffed, doesn't fit anymore? While worn, you were sure it fit just fine. But you didn't bother arguing, instead you nodded and held it close to your chest. He disregarded you as he undressed himself down to his waist. The discarded layers piled up beside him on the floor. He kicked them to the side and heaved a sigh as he slid the shirt over his rather pale, war torn, yet beautiful body. You watched him as he did this, admiring every inch of his large frame, how you longed to be by his side again, but not as Kylo Ren, as Ben Solo. You were so lost in thought you barely noticed Kylo as he glided over to you and took the sweater from your hands, his rough and long fingers wrapping around your arm to get your attention. His warm touch brought you back to reality, you looked up at him and tried to show no sign of emotion, no sign of pain or longing. He studied your face for a while, taking into account every detail. You saw him bite the inside of his cheek, so he did feel emotion after all.

"Arms up," he demanded as he held the sweater in between his legs and grabbed the end of your shirt with both hands. You hesitated for a moment, almost like you were in the presence of a stranger. But alas, it was just Kylo. You slowly raised your arms, never breaking your stare with the large man. He carefully slid the shirt up your stomach, then your chest, then your arms and head. He threw the shirt to the side and took a moment to admire you. Your body had gotten stronger since your time on Naboo, you had plenty of time to train. He looked curiously at a scar you had tracing from your rib to your waist, like a child he used a gentle finger to trace it. You let him explore your body as you felt your muscles relax. You were home. He saw your body heave and quickly looked up into your eyes, making sure everything was ok. You smiled a little and put your palm on his cheek, rubbing it with your thumb. "I'm okay," you said softly. He responded with a quick and low "mhm" then leaned his face into your hand. You prayed to whatever gods existed that this moment could last forever. Kylo suddenly dropped to his knees and stared up into your face, his hands tracing your curves.

"You are exquisite," he mumbled.

You left out a soft giggle as he said your name over and over, kissing your stomach and clothed thighs. You moved your hand to his head and gently scratched it, twirling his long hair around your fingers. A smile escaped his lips as he continued to kiss you. He slowly started to undo the button on your pants, but your hand caught his as he started to slide them down. "I'm tired," you said bashfully. He looked up at you quickly, a red blush swept his face as he nodded and stood up, now towering over you. He took the sweater and slid it over your body, making sure to be careful as he did. He never broke eye contact as he finished sliding your pants off, trying to maintain his promise of purity with you. He turned around and fished out what you assumed to be undergarments, but they looked more like shorts to you.

"Here," he said softly, offering them to you as some sort of peace treaty.

You took them and quickly took off your old undergarments, tossing them aside with your shirt, then sliding the new ones on. The large sweater thankfully covered them mostly because you were sure you looked like a mess with them on. You fiddled with your fingers and tried not to meet his gaze which you felt piercing your body. You felt a strong finger guide your chin up, forcefully yet gently. There was no point in resisting, he would take what he wanted regardless. You stared helplessly in his eyes, but you were not met with the normal coldness you had grown accustomed to. This time, you saw something you hadn't seen in him since he went by the name Ben Solo. 

You saw a glimmer of hope. 

He gripped your chin between his thumb and pointer finger, staring intently into your eyes as if trying to convey a silent message, but you heard nothing. He swallowed hard and loosened his grip, moving his hand from your chin to the back of your head and pulling you in close. You nuzzled your face into his chest, gripping on to his shirt with white knuckles. You knew this couldn't last forever but by gods you were going to make it try, but you understood that by tomorrow this would be a distant memory for Kylo. 

All these thoughts screaming in your head caused him to take notice. He shushed you and rested his chin on your head, you felt his pain just as he felt yours. His touch felt warm and inviting, not as cold as Kylo's. It was warm like Ben's. You let out a quiet sob and clenched his shirt harder, your fingers cramping.

"I know," he mumbled. "But I must see this through, there are things that you are yet to understand. Things that I will not subject you to," he continued.

"Just tell me!" You pleaded, your words broken by hiccuped sobs and sniffles. "I want to know, whatever it is I'm ready," you begged, burying your face deeper into his large frame.

Before you could continue he boomed a defiant "No." The room went silent, all you could hear was your own trembling breath. You heard him sigh, "Not like this, you have to prepare yourself for the fight ahead if you want to be apart of this. I've discovered something, something that I was sure I would never come across," he ranted on and on, mumbling about a well kept secret, something about cloning, something about a ghost. You simply nodded and listened, eager to learn anything you could from him. 

Finally he quieted down and stepped back away from you, looking into your eyes, demanding your attention. He licked his lips and furrowed his brows, as if contemplating something difficult. After a minute of intense staring and gut wrenching silence, he spoke.

"You know I must see this through, but after that.." He trailed off.

"Say it," you gulped, half begging and half commanding.

"If this goes the way I know it should, there will be no need for wars. Just us, just our throne. No Sith or Jedi, simply a balance that should have been brought years ago," he looked down at the floor. "I will finish what my grandfather started all those years ago, and I will end it." He fumed at the ground, his muscles tensing and his fists clenched. You stepped toward him and grabbed his arm which immediately relaxed. You heard all you needed to hear, Ben was still somewhere in there. He suddenly embraced you, holding on to you as if you were going to disappear. He held you like that for a few seconds then let go, leaving you gasping for air. You were taken back to the planet where you and Ben trained, he hugged you like that only a few times. One was when he thought you had died when training with Luke, you thought he might crack your ribs. You were transported to a different, happier time. A time where there were no worries of war or death or pain. You missed that.

Without a second thought you let out a loud gasp for air then cracked a smile, "Ben you can't do that!" No reply. Silence. 

Shit. 

You realized what you had done. You looked up at his face for a reaction, and you were met with one of confusion. He wasn't upset, you didn't sense it at least. He heaved a great sigh then walked to his bed, moving the comforter and climbing inside, not paying you a second thought.

"I'm sorry-"

"Come here," he said, mumbling your name softly.

You did as he said, walking over to the side of the bed. He grabbed your waist with a large hand and guided you down next to him. Soon you were both underneath the covers, his large body acting as a shield around you. His arm draped over your waist and his face was nuzzled into the crook of your neck. His hot breath warmed you as a yawn escaped. All of this comfort, but you still felt terrible for calling him that, despite how much you want to.

"Kylo I-"

"Is this what you want?" He asked.

You hesitated to answer. Was this blissful life really what you wanted with Kylo Ren? Your heart answered for you.

Yes.

He nodded and kissed your shoulder, content with that answer. "Sleep now, we have much to figure out in the morning."

You nodded and closed your eyes, slowly falling asleep to the sound of his beating heart. This is where you belonged, and this is where he belonged. Not in some war, not in armor, not halfway across the galaxy. Right here, home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y/n sith time??


	14. A Dream

You remembered a ship. Broken down, the metal rusted from maltreatment, the lights dimmed from overuse. The air smelled of oil and fumes, a sea of chemicals washed out your senses as your eyes watered and your nose stung. You pinched your nose as you stepped from the sleeping hall into the entrance way, holstering a large bag over your shoulder. Your small frame almost disappearing into the fabric itself. You heard mumbling but you didn't look over your shoulder. No time to look back, not now. You had come this far. Stiff coughs echoed in the nearly emptied ship, it had been hit by scavengers during your time on Jakku. Exposed wires and hot metal forced you to walk a straight line towards the entrance of the now landed ship, one touch on either of those walls and you'd have earned a nasty burn scar.

"Are you ready?" You heard a voice whisper your name softly to you. You turned to see who it was, but their face was engulfed in darkness, covered by the poorly lit ship. You turned back and sighed, your shoulders rising and falling as you started to realize that life as you knew it was about to change forever. 

You nodded, "Yes."

A button was pressed and suddenly the boarding ramp lowered and a bright light narrowed your eyesight. You shielded your eyes from the sun and waited for the old ship's ramp to lower completely. Thoughts raced through your head. You would be leaving your home to come to this planet to train under some man named Luke Skywalker, but you weren't entirely convinced your parents hadn't just sold you for food portions. While it was the opportunity of a lifetime, you weren't sure if you were ready. You knew no one, and you weren't exactly fond of making friends. A life of running had made it almost impossible to grow close to anyone except for the droids kept on the rust bucket of a ship you called home.

You were broken from your thoughts as a hand touched your shoulder and eased you down the ramp and off the ship. You stumbled off the ship and quickly turned around to see that ghostly figure turn around and stomp back to the front of the ship. Just as quickly as you had landed, the ship left leaving you alone in a completely new environment. Wouldn't have been the first time, but you were promised this was to be different. Those "strange powers" as you recalled your mother calling them, could be harnessed and controlled. But only if you went to this so called academy. You sighed and turned around as you accepted your new fate, but all worries quickly washed away once you were able to behold the scenery they had left you at.

As you turned to see the island a cool breeze hit your face, whipping your hair away from your eyes. You let out a toothy smile as the tall grass tickled your ankles. You smelled sea salt spraying from the edge of the cliff about a mile away.

Heaven, you thought.

A feeling of unease settled over your body quickly though, as if someone was watching. You scanned your surroundings until your gaze settled on a tall man accompanied by what looked to be a boy a little ways away. Luke Skywalker. You don't know how you knew, but you knew. Something just told you. You adjusted the bag on your shoulder and lumbered over to them, panting for breath as you finally reached them. Your eyes first fell on the boy, his wispy black hair was tied back into a bun but that didn't stop a few stray hairs from whipping around his face, which he annoyingly tucked behind his ear. His dark eyes scanned your body as if he were looking for a sign of weakness, you were almost sure he wasn't going to be a friend. He stood with hands behind his back, his back straight. He had been preparing for this moment. The two of you eyed each other until you heard the older man speak your name followed by a cough to break the silence.

"Welcome to the Jedi academy," he spoke solemnly.

You turned your attention to him and studied him, looking him up and down, searching for any inkling of what he might be feeling. You had been particularly good at it back home but here, you sensed power beyond yours.

"Luke Skywalker," you said, not trying to be disrespectful, just curious.

The gray haired man furrowed his brows and shook his head, "If you are to train here it is Master Skywalker." He didn't seem angry, in fact he almost seemed amused at your use of the Force. "There is much to teach you, however I must attend to my other students who arrived earlier. My nephew will show you to your quarters," and with that he disappeared, walking back across the island towards a series of stone huts. 

"Yes sir!" You called after him, trying to remain as respectful as you could be. However you received no response. 

Your eyes fell back on the boy, who you now realized was much taller than you. His hand reached out for you to take, "I'm Ben. Ben Solo." You took his hand and shook it. You introduced yourself and tried to give him a warm smile, you weren't trying to make enemies on the first day. A half smile was returned. "Let me take your bags while we go to your quarters, I can tell you're.. struggling." He regarded your now red shoulder and neck and grabbed the bag, lifting it effortlessly. You stared at him in wonder until you realized his fingers weren't even touching the bag, it was floating.

"How did you--" 

"The Force," he rolled his eyes. "Duh."

You pretended to not be impressed as the two of you hiked up a small hill, your bag following obediently in tow. Ben looked over at you and noticed the marks you had in your shoulder and neck from the strap digging into your skin. "How much did you pack anyways," he mumbled. "All that I had," you replied, getting a little defensive. Who is this boy and why is he making fun of your luggage? You regarded him as cocky and decided you couldn't wait to get away from him as soon as possible.

Finally, you reached a tall stone hut. He dropped your bag at your feet, "I'll show you inside." He stalked into the small space with you following at his heels, dragging your bag beside you. The hut was small but big enough to house two people, separated by a thick stone wall and a short hallway. You looked around your room and saw a rather uncomfortable looking bed as well as a stone chair, a sorry looking wooden desk, and a shabby dressed neatly tucked away in the corner of the room. You slid your bag over to the dressed and heaved a sigh as you sat down on your bed, disregarding the tall boy.

"What's wrong?" He asked, the first time he showed you any kind of affection and it still seemed half forced.

You swallowed hard and looked up at him, "I'm scared."

He huffed and shouldered off your response, as if fear wasn't something he experienced on the daily. Instead he brought up a new question, "How old are you anyways?"

"I'm ten," you mumbled, kicking your shoes off and crawling your way towards the head of your bed, away from Ben.

He looked at you again, taking in your uneasiness. "I'm twelve."

You nodded awkwardly and looked down, playing with your fingers.

He cleared his throat then spoke again, "So, what, you still play with dolls?"

This question infuriated you. You had been here not even an hour and you already had some boy mocking you. "Listen, just because you're the nephew of Luke Skywalker doesn't mean I'm going to treat you like royalty," you spat, tears welling in your eyes.

He took in everything you said, knit his brows and took you in, seeing tears drip down your face. "Good. I hate it when people treat me different just because my uncle of Skywalker." He sat down next to you and put an awkward but reassuring hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you. "I understand you're scared, I was too. Seems like my parents dumped me here just as yours did."

You looked up at him, not knowing how he knew that. "How did you know?"

"I.. I'm not sure. I just do, I can feel it." He responded, embarrassed of showing off.

You just nodded and looked down, his now sweaty palm still on your shoulder. "Thank you, Ben."

He nodded reassuringly and stood up, he spoke your name quickly, "As long as I'm around, I won't let the old man get to you. I promise." He spoke quick and unassured, then he lowered his head and walked out of your quarters almost walking into a wall as he did. You smiled a little and shook your head, "Goodbye Ben Solo!"

Suddenly the scenery changed, your vision clouded with black and you were whisked away to a new memory. It was about three years later.

You and Ben were sitting next to a campfire with the rest of the students, Luke was instructing all of you to not go into the woods anymore due to a certain type of insect which could severely damage the respiratory system, and he couldn't heal you all at once.

As he talked you leaned over to Ben, "I hate bugs.."

He chuckled and whispered back, "I know."

Luke carried on and on until you felt a small tickle on your leg. You felt your entire body freeze. Then a small pinch. You let out a loud scream and jumped up, practically falling into Ben's lap as the entire congregation frantically moved around trying to avoid danger. Only Ben was laughing, so hard in fact it boomed throughout the island. Luke on the other hand, was not impressed.

Ben wheezed out your name, "It was me, stupid! I pinched your leg!"

"Ben Solo!" You screamed and playfully punched his arm as you both fell into fits of laughter. That was until Luke cleared his throat and demanded your attention.

"I've had enough of your games, Ben. You two sit on the opposite sides of each other, now."

Both of you moved, sitting on either sides of the campfire. The separation didn't distract you from making faces at the boy or using the Force to tell him nasty jokes, which for some reason he didn't find amusing, he stared into the fire unaware of your concern. After the lecture was over you saw Ben's face go straight as he stood up and walk back towards his hut. You stood up and followed him, breaking away from the group. He stayed alone in his hut and was kept farthest away from all the other students, neither of you could tell the other why.

"Ben!" You shouted after him, his large strides made it difficult for you to keep up with. "Wait!"

He stopped quickly and turned around, giving you no time to speak as he quickly took you in for a hug. This was more emotional than usual for Ben. He held you tight and sighed, his chest against yours. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you in trouble." You were puzzled.

"What? We didn't get into trouble, sure he was pissed but-"

"No. You don't understand, I heard him. He is going to work you hard tomorrow, he's going to rectify our behavior-- my behavior. I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry." He whispered. You had never seen him so apologetic before, but something about Luke scared him, something he wasn't ready to share with you yet. 

Another jump in time. This time you were eighteen.

Your eyes were closed but you felt the harsh glare of the sun beating down on your eyelids. How long had you been outside? You sat up and rubbed your eyes, blinking away the sunspots as you looked to your side and saw a sleeping Ben next to you, his arm covering his eyes as he snored blissfully in the baking sun. You smelled fresh flowers and fruit. You two had skipped training and had a picnic that day, and apparently you both had fallen asleep in the soft grass that covered the island.

You took in the beautiful scenery of the island, flowers bloomed as insects made their way to each one, the grass was lush and soft like a pillow, the sea broke against the cliff sending a soft mist towards you both. It was paradise, until you heard Ben snore. You let out a soft laugh and picked a piece of grass and waved it around his nose, watching him in a trance as he furrowed his brows and tried to knock the thing out of the way. You laid on your stomach next to him and continued to wave the grass around his face, grazing it over his cheeks and lips. His face went red in his sleep as he breathed a heavy sigh, rolling on his side towards you. He mumbled your name as he furrowed his brows and clenched his fists. He started to pant and move around, his cheeks getting redder. He was having another nightmare.

You quickly sat up and shook him, lightly yelling his name. "Ben! Wake up, it's just a dream!" He tossed and turned more. You grabbed his hand and held it, hoping you could will him to wake up. It worked. His eyes shot open and he sat up quickly, he looked as if he had witnessed a war. He looked at you and then down to the hand you were holding. He snatched his hand away, embarrassed.

"Ben you were-"

"I know," he mumbled as he dusted off his pants and shirt. He couldn't even meet your eyes.

You cleared your throat, hoping for some answers. "Listen, you should really talk about your nightmares Ben it's not good to hold it in," you barely were able to finish before he spoke.

He snapped his head back at you and glared daggers into you, "You're not my mother, you're just my friend. So stop acting like you care." He got up and started to walk away down the hill.

Just a friend...

You shook your head and ran after him, grabbing his hand again. "Ben I know you don't want that and I know you-"

He snatched your wrist and held it up by your head, his large frame towering over you. He growled your name, sending shivers down your spine. "Next time you see me having a nightmare, or any type of trouble at all, leave me alone." He spat, keeping a deadly grip on your arm. 

Tears welled in your eyes as you felt your wrist start to bruise, "Ben you're hurting me.." You whispered, trying to hold back the inevitable flood that was about to pour from your eyes. He looked at your arm and dropped it, but the damage had already been done. Harsh red finger prints marked your wrist.

His mouth was open, ready to speak an apology until your master showed up out of nowhere, charging up the hill. He quickly grabbed Ben's shirt and whipped him out of your way. "Ben, go to your quarters, now," Luke said harshly as he stood in front of you protectively. Ben shamefully marched down the hill. You peaked out from Skywalker's side, "Ben don't go!" But his back was already turned, and he never looked back. 

You felt as if you were falling, another shift in time. You were aboard The Finalizer.

"Please," you begged the masked man, "I need to know who you are.. I need something certain in my life."

There was a long silence, but he didn't try and stop you as you stepped towards him, reaching out. He raised a hand - you backed off quick but it wasn't to strike you. He grasped his mask and unhinged it, raising it slowly over his head. You immediately recognized the quivering lip of the boy you once knew, but you were frozen. His hair showered out of the helmet like a waterfall, covering his face which he brushed away with a gloved hand. His eyes were trained on you, those dark predatory eyes. You couldn't mistake them. He dropped the mask at his feet, the metal made a loud clattering sound as everything you thought you knew was ripped from your mind.

You couldn't speak, but you managed to step forward. One step, and he immediately backed away. How could he be so intimidated by you? Another step. You heard a very fragile "don't" from the man, but you persisted. A final step and you were on top of him, your eyes brimmed with tears as you stared at his face. You brought a slow and gentle hand to his cheek, which he winced at. Tears rolled down your face as you realized the tortured boy you once knew was now a stoic man, scared of your touch. 

You reacted out of instinct. You jumped up and hugged him tightly, his stance never wavering as you threw your weight into him. His strong arms caught you and held you close, his fingers digging into your waist. You heard him gasp for air as he held back tears, but you couldn't help yourself. You sobbed into his chest as you heard him take in your scent, mumbling your name. You let him go and backed away, staring at the boy you once loved, the man you never stopped loving. He stared at you intently, his hands shaking as if he were aching to take you back into his arms.

"Ben," you whispered.

You were plunged back into reality. You shot up in bed in a cold sweat, your hair plastered to your face. You panted for air as you looked beside you, Kylo was already awake. He had been watching you meticulously, his hands hovering above the sheets, wondering what he should do. You stared at him and sighed, slamming your hands into the sheets.

"Nightmare?" He questioned, leaning in to embrace you.

You shrugged, "I guess so."

He didn't question anymore. He took you into his arms and slid you into his lap, cradling you and wiping your hair away from your face. 

"They were memories, every time I gained you, and lost you.." You trailed off as you yawned, still tired despite your sleep. He simply nodded and held you, saying nothing. You stared at his face, trying to find flaws, but you found none. His statue like features had no faults. You two stayed like this, embracing each other until the suns from a distant planet rose and flooded the room with light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually rly liked writing this chapter hope yall enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> whew i already posted this to wattpad but decided to post here as well just incase they decide they don't like the upcoming smut. pls enjoy :)


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